Modern-Day Lancelot Offers To Pay For Abortion
ST. LOUIS—His seed having taken hold within the loins of his beloved, modern-day Lancelot Aaron Grimaldi selflessly proffered a goodly portion of his wages ...
Warren Buffett Can’t Believe He Has To Live Next To Powerball Winner
OMAHA, NE—Shaking his head as workers installed a fountain on his neighbor’s front lawn, business magnate Warren Buffett told reporters Wednesday that he ...
Receipt Brazenly Placed In Bag Without Permission
DAVENPORT, IA—Calling the conduct an affront to common decency, local Walgreens customer David Nivola confirmed that his receipt had been brazenly placed in his ...
Bobby Jindal Not Sure He Willing To Put Family Through 2-Month Presidential Campaign
BATON ROUGE, LA—Citing the intense pressures and scrutiny placed on political candidates and the people in their lives, Louisiana governor Bobby Jindal announced Tuesday ...
Nation’s Landmarks Piled In Single Location For Easier Monitoring
BROADWATER, NE—In a move aimed at protecting the nation’s natural and historical heritage from potential threats, the U.S.
Marshawn Lynch Delivers Eloquent 45-Minute Address On Privacy In The Modern Age
PHOENIX—Explaining his position on the sociological issue during a Tuesday press conference at Super Bowl Media Day, Seattle Seahawks running back Marshawn Lynch reportedly ...
NYC Mayor: ‘Reconcile Yourselves With Your God, For All Will Perish In The Tempest’
NEW YORK—As a major winter storm continued its advance toward New York City, Mayor Bill de Blasio advised residents Monday to make peace with ...
