Clinton Credits Nevada Victory To Inescapable, Pitch-Black Tide Of Fate

LAS VEGAS—Addressing a crowd of supporters at a victory rally in Nevada Saturday afternoon, Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton credited her triumph in the state to the baleful, pitch-black tide of fate from which no man, woman, or child could ever hope to escape.

Disillusioned Museum Admissions Employee Doesn’t Even Believe Own Annual Membership Pitch Anymore

MILWAUKEE—After more than nine months of enumerating for visitors the various member-only benefits and explaining how dues help support the museum’s mission to educate and inspire, disillusioned Milwaukee Art Museum employee Ashley Mizote told reporters Friday she no longer believes her own annual membership pitch.

Obama Compiles Shortlist Of Gay, Transsexual Abortion Doctors To Replace Scalia

WASHINGTON—Moving quickly to begin the process of filling the unexpected vacancy on the Supreme Court bench, President Obama spent much of the weekend compiling a shortlist of gay, transsexual abortion doctors to replace the late Antonin Scalia, White House sources confirmed Monday.

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Lost Jack London Manuscript, ‘The Doggy,’ Found

RYE, NY—Workers inventorying the estate of a recently deceased Westchester County art dealer earlier this month reportedly stumbled upon a draft of a previously unknown Jack London novel titled The Doggy, and the work is already being hailed by many within the literary world as a masterpiece.

Female Presidential Candidate Who Was United States Senator, Secretary Of State Told To Be More Inspiring

NEW YORK—Citing her lackluster support among young voters, campaign consultants to Hillary Clinton, the Democratic presidential frontrunner who has served as both a U.S. senator and secretary of state, reportedly instructed the candidate this week to be more inspiring.

Sweetie, As You Get Older, Your Body Becomes More Shameful

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Clinton Credits Nevada Victory To Inescapable, Pitch-Black Tide Of Fate

LAS VEGAS—Addressing a crowd of supporters at a victory rally in Nevada Saturday afternoon, Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton credited her triumph in the state to the baleful, pitch-black tide of fate from which no man, woman, or child could ever hope to escape.
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A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The ‘Forum’
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Clinton Credits Nevada Victory To Inescapable, Pitch-Black Tide Of Fate

LAS VEGAS—Addressing a crowd of supporters at a victory rally in Nevada Saturday afternoon, Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton credited her triumph in the state to the baleful, pitch-black tide of fate from which no man, woman, or child could ever hope to escape.
Married Couples Have Similar Immune Systems

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PITTSBURGH, PA—While visiting her grandparents, Karen Sawyer decided to slip her younger cousins a few, but not all, of the insights she’s gleaned from being four and a half years older.

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Sweetie, As You Get Older, Your Body Becomes More Shameful

By Maureen Campos

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