Tae Kwon Do Instructor Gets Little Thrill Out Of Pairing Off Completely Mismatched 8-Year-Olds

KANNAPOLIS, NC—Describing the practice as a fun way to liven up what are often routine and repetitive classes, local tae kwon do instructor Chris Fergus told reporters Friday he always gets a little thrill from partnering up two completely mismatched 8-year-olds during sparring sessions.

Man Practices Haircut Request Before Heading To Barber

MINNEAPOLIS—Having scripted a set of lines he hoped to deliver with confidence and decisiveness, local 34-year-old Jason Clyne carefully rehearsed his haircut request several times Friday before heading to his local barbershop, sources confirmed.

U.S. Census Report Finds Some Poor Fuck Named Kip

WASHINGTON—Saying they had audited their survey data several times to ensure the information was correct, U.S. Census Bureau officials confirmed Friday they had found some poor fuck named Kip.

Crops Begin Emerging From Farmlands Across Nation As Monsanto CEO Slowly Raises Arms

WASHINGTON, MO—According to stunned sources, billions of seedlings burst through the soil of farmlands across the nation and began growing at an alarming rate Thursday as Monsanto CEO Hugh Grant stood in the center of a soybean field and slowly raised his outstretched arms upward.

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Brita Unveils New In-Throat Water Filters

OAKLAND, CA—Representatives from Brita, the nation’s bestselling brand of household water filtration products, held a press event Wednesday to unveil a new line of filters designed to be installed directly inside users’ throats.

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Brutal Anti-Cruz Attack Ad Just 30 Seconds Of Candidate’s Photo Displayed Without Any Text, Voiceover, Music

RALEIGH, NC—In what many political observers are calling a new low in an election season that has already seen its share of negative campaigning, a scathing anti–Ted Cruz attack ad airing this week reportedly shows nothing more than a still photograph of the Texas senator’s face for 30 seconds, unaccompanied by any text, voiceover, or music.

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Tae Kwon Do Instructor Gets Little Thrill Out Of Pairing Off Completely Mismatched 8-Year-Olds

KANNAPOLIS, NC—Describing the practice as a fun way to liven up what are often routine and repetitive classes, local tae kwon do instructor Chris Fergus told reporters Friday he always gets a little thrill from partnering up two completely mismatched 8-year-olds during sparring sessions.
Man Practices Haircut Request Before Heading To Barber

MINNEAPOLIS—Having scripted a set of lines he hoped to deliver with confidence and decisiveness, local 34-year-old Jason Clyne carefully rehearsed his haircut request several times Friday before heading to his local barbershop, sources confirmed.
Judge: Prince Had No Will
U.S. Census Report Finds Some Poor Fuck Named Kip

WASHINGTON—Saying they had audited their survey data several times to ensure the information was correct, U.S. Census Bureau officials confirmed Friday they had found some poor fuck named Kip.

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Tae Kwon Do Instructor Gets Little Thrill Out Of Pairing Off Completely Mismatched 8-Year-Olds

KANNAPOLIS, NC—Describing the practice as a fun way to liven up what are often routine and repetitive classes, local tae kwon do instructor Chris Fergus told reporters Friday he always gets a little thrill from partnering up two completely mismatched 8-year-olds during sparring sessions.
Man Practices Haircut Request Before Heading To Barber

MINNEAPOLIS—Having scripted a set of lines he hoped to deliver with confidence and decisiveness, local 34-year-old Jason Clyne carefully rehearsed his haircut request several times Friday before heading to his local barbershop, sources confirmed.
Judge: Prince Had No Will
U.S. Census Report Finds Some Poor Fuck Named Kip

WASHINGTON—Saying they had audited their survey data several times to ensure the information was correct, U.S. Census Bureau officials confirmed Friday they had found some poor fuck named Kip.
Crops Begin Emerging From Farmlands Across Nation As Monsanto CEO Slowly Raises Arms

WASHINGTON, MO—According to stunned sources, billions of seedlings burst through the soil of farmlands across the nation and began growing at an alarming rate Thursday as Monsanto CEO Hugh Grant stood in the center of a soybean field and slowly raised his outstretched arms upward.

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