Report: Texting While Driving Okay If You Look Up Every Couple Seconds
WASHINGTON—A new report published Monday by the National Transportation Safety Board advises motorists that sending text messages while driving “is totally fine” and “not ...
Desperate Earth Begins Accelerating Rotation In Effort To Hurl Humankind Off Surface
The nation dredges up its last remaining reserves of grief, a study finds that anxiety can be resolved if you think about it real hard ...
Gay Kid Excited To Be Made Fun Of For Second Thing
SUGAR LAND, TX—Shortly after reports surfaced today that the Boy Scouts of America had voted to lift its ban on gay youths, local homosexual ...
Study: Anxiety Resolved By Thinking About It Real Hard
WALTHAM, MA—Potentially offering hope to millions of Americans struggling with psychological and emotional problems, a study published this week in The New England Journal ...
Restaurant's Extreme Burger Challenge Moved Down To Regular Menu
COLUMBUS, OH—According to staff at Dusty’s Kitchen, the local restaurant’s extreme burger challenge, formerly described as “an insurmountable mountain of beef and ...
