In The News

Pope Francis Hosts Feathered Serpent God As Part Of Deity Exchange Program

VATICAN CITY—In an effort to strengthen their relationship and foster interfaith dialogue, Pope Francis reportedly welcomed the winged Mayan snake god Kukulkan to the Vatican this week as part of a month-long deity exchange program.

‘The Case, Mr. Kerry, Give Me The Case,’ Demands Malaysian Ambassador Holding Dangling John Kerry From Petronas Towers Skybridge

KUALA LUMPUR, MALAYSIA—Telling the U.S. secretary of state this was his final chance to hand over the briefcase he had been pursuing for months, Malaysian ambassador Dato’ Seri Halim Wan Salleh reportedly promised John Kerry he would spare his life in return for the item Friday as he held the dangling American statesman over the side of the Petronas Towers Skybridge.

USDA Admits Weight Loss Not Possible For People Who Don’t Like Salmon

WASHINGTON—Stating that any attempt to slim down without it would be wholly ineffective, representatives from the USDA’s Food and Nutrition Service admitted at a press conference Tuesday that weight loss is just not possible for people who don’t like salmon.

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In The News

Pope Francis Hosts Feathered Serpent God As Part Of Deity Exchange Program

‘The Case, Mr. Kerry, Give Me The Case,’ Demands Malaysian Ambassador Holding Dangling John Kerry From Petronas Towers Skybridge

USDA Admits Weight Loss Not Possible For People Who Don’t Like Salmon

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