August 28, 2015

Skort advisory

CMG -6.45%

Chipotle Mexican Grill (CMG): $249.33 (-$17.18) (-6.45%) The Mexican fast food restaurant chain suffered a major setback today after announcing the unfortunate passing of the tiny sick boy who cuts all the tortillas into circles.

America's Finest News Source
“Tu Stultus Es”

New on Onion Studios

In The News

A Look At The Class Of 2019

This year’s incoming college freshmen will comprise the graduating class of 2019, with the majority of students born in the year 1997. Here are some facts and figures about these students and their worldview

Special Coverage

Onion Video

Watch More

Graphical Features