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Shrieking Vilsack Wakes From Nightmare About Being Buried Alive By Giant Ear Of Corn

WASHINGTON—A shrieking, sweat-soaked Tom Vilsack reportedly woke in a panic Tuesday night after the U.S. more »
Newswire

American Voices

Obama Presides Over Secret 'Kill List'

05.29.12

"That’s smart. Making a to kill list increases the likelihood you’ll get those people killed." more»
Sports News in Brief

Big 12 Agrees To Annual Bowl Loss Against SEC

05.29.12

IRVING, TX—Keeping with years of tradition of getting blown out in demoralizing defeats to its dominating competitor, the Big 12 Conference confirmed Monday it has agreed to a yearly bowl loss to the Southeastern Conference. more»
Commentary

Hey, Everybody! This Cool New Tide Detergent Video Is Blowing Up All Over The Internet!

05.29.12

Hey, everybody, have you seen this awesome new web video from Tide detergent? I just checked it out online and, man, it is easily one of the coolest digital videos I've ever seen. more»
News in Brief

Area Man Winded After Particularly Lengthy Wendy's Order

05.29.12

GLEN ALLEN, VA—Local man Brett Lussier, 43, was left fatigued and out of breath Thursday after placing a particularly long lunch order at the Wendy's franchise location on Brook Road, sources reported. more»
American Voices

PayPal Now Accepted At 15 Retailers

05.29.12

“Finally, the ease of paying for something online combined with the inconvenience of having to lug it around.” more»
Radio News

New Desperate Poverty Video Game Blamed For Urban Violence

05.29.12
News

Biden To Honor Fallen Soldiers By Jumping Motorcycle Over Vietnam Memorial

05.25.12

WASHINGTON—In an effort to honor fallen American soldiers this Memorial Day with a fittingly "badass" tribute, Vice President Joe Biden has announced plans to jump a motorcycle over the entire length of the Vietnam Veterans Memorial. Biden... more»
Onion Review

Romney To Undergo Gender Reassignment Surgery To Better Connect With Women Voters

05.25.12

Joe Biden plans to honor fallen U.S. soldiers by jumping his motorcycle over the Vietnam Memorial, Thomas the Tank Engine is a little uneasy with his broad autistic following, and a friend who said goodbye 10 minutes ago is still on Gchat. more»
Sports News in Brief

Jim Harbaugh Insists Michael Crabtree Has Best, Most Lickable Hands In NFL History

05.25.12

SAN FRANCISCO—49ers coach Jim Harbaugh, who has worked with such receiving greats as Tim Brown, Marvin Harrison, and Jerry Rice over the course of his career, found reason to praise his current top pass-catcher last week when he claimed Michael Crab... more»
News in Brief

Crayola CEO Presents Jarringly Ambitious 5-Year Plan At Annual Shareholders Meeting

05.25.12

EASTON, PA—Speaking at the annual shareholder meeting of Crayola, Inc. on Tuesday, CEO Mike Perry reportedly bewildered investors with a 95-slide PowerPoint presentation called "Thinking Outside The Crayon Box" in which he outlined an oddl... more»