BLOOMINGTON, IN—A new study published Friday by researchers at Indiana University revealed that U.S. citizens waste approximately 2 million hours annually trying to figure out where a roll of tape starts.
POTOMAC, MD—Providing male employees with an alternative to the standard one or two weeks off, executives from investment firm Wyndham Capital announced Tuesday that the company had begun offering extended paternity leave to any new fathers wanting more time to lose their colleagues’ respect.
DETROIT—Free to produce generic versions of the product after DoorBlocker’s 20-year patent ran out last month, hundreds of businesses have begun distributing cheap, off-brand doorstops to retail outlets nationwide, industry analysts confirmed Tuesday.
BRISTOL, CT—Saying that the pair could barely take their eyes off one another throughout the hour-long sports news program, ESPN viewers told reporters Friday that it is increasingly clear SportsCenter anchors John Anderson and Matt Barrie are currently dating.
The Onion’s movie critic Peter K. Rosenthal reviews ‘Jurassic World’ in this week’s Film Standard.
The Onion’s movie critic Peter K. Rosenthal looks back at ‘Goonies’ in this week’s Film Standard.
How many positive male role models do your children have? On Mothershould, Grace Manning-Devlin says that if they don’t have these seven, they could grow up severely stunted.
On Mothershould, Grace Manning-Devlin helps viewers build a legal case when their parenting tricks are used by parental plagiarists.
The Onion's movie critic Peter K. Rosenthal reviews 'Avengers: Age Of Ultron' in this week's Film Standard.