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Our Annual Year

The Onion's 2015 Year In Review →

Best of Technology 2015

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Nation Figured Everything Would Run On Some Kind Of Cubes Of Blue Energy By Now

NEWS November 12th, 2015

NEW YORK—Expressing their disappointment and frustration at the current state of technology, citizens across the nation reported Thursday that they figured everything would run on some sort of cubes of blue energy by now.

Secretary Of Labor Assures Nation There Still Plenty Of Jobs For Americans Willing To Outwork Robots

NEWS September 8th, 2015

WASHINGTON—Addressing the continued plight of the nation’s long-term unemployed, Labor Secretary Thomas E. Perez offered his assurances Tuesday that the United States still has plenty of job opportunities for people willing to outwork robots.

Report: More U.S. Families Living With Multiple Generations Of Xbox Under One Roof

NEWS IN BRIEF June 5th, 2015

WASHINGTON—Calling the trend a reflection of the nation’s changing social and economic landscape, a report released Friday by the Pew Research Center confirmed that more U.S. families are living with multiple generations of Xbox under one roof.

In The News

The Onion Reviews ‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens’

The Onion’s movie critic Peter K. Rosenthal reviews ‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens’ in this week’s Film Standard.

John Roberts Delivers Finishing Blow To Stephen Breyer To Defend Title Of Chief Justice

WASHINGTON—Finishing off the judicial pragmatist with his signature Flying Hammer Of Precedent, John Roberts reportedly dove from atop the Supreme Court bench Tuesday and delivered a final knockout blow to Stephen Breyer to retain the title of Chief Justice.

So Help Me God, I’m Going To Eat One Of Those Multicolored Detergent Pods

By Dylan DelMonico

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The Onion Reviews ‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens’

The Onion’s movie critic Peter K. Rosenthal reviews ‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens’ in this week’s Film Standard.

Onion Explains: Global Nuclear Proliferation

How close has the nuclear-armed world come to a descending into outright global catastrophe? The Onion explains nuclear proliferation.
Onion Explains: International Drug Trade

How do dangerous narcotics cartels smuggle their goods into the U.S. and what is the human cost of their operations? The Onion explains the drug trade.
The Onion Reviews ‘Spectre’

The Onion’s movie critic Peter K. Rosenthal reviews ‘Spectre’ in this week’s Film Standard.
Scientists Find Strong Link Between Male Virility, Wearing Mötley Crüe Denim Jacket

A new study from Harvard University found that men who wear Mötley Crüe denim jackets on a regular basis showed staggering levels of testosterone and sexual prowess.
Onion Explains: The International State Of Women’s Rights

What is the path forward for women given the barriers to equality they face worldwide? The Onion explains women’s rights.

Graphical Features

Slideshow

Guide To The Characters Of ‘The Force Awakens’

The highly anticipated seventh episode in the ‘Star Wars’ series, ‘The Force Awakens,’ which will be released December 18, will feature several returning characters as well as a host of new ones. Here is a guide to the characters of ‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens.’

News in Photos

Slightly Overweight Middle-Aged Woman Really Carrying Rest Of Church Choir

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Most Glorious Flames Of 2015

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Sponsored by Cheetos

Novelty Welcome Mat Lets Party Guests Know They’re In For Some Fun
Out-Of-Control Hand Gesture Sends Bernie Sanders Tumbling Off Stage

GOFFSTOWN, NH—Thrown completely off-balance as he emphatically argued the benefits of a living wage, Vermont senator Bernie Sanders was reportedly sent tumbling off stage midway through Saturday’s Democratic debate by an out-of-control hand gesture.
Bernie Sanders Refuses Flashy ABC Podium In Favor Of Own Humble, Homemade Lectern

GOFFSTOWN, NH—Saying he would not accept anything offered by the nation’s corporate elite, presidential hopeful Bernie Sanders reportedly refused to use the podium provided by ABC for Saturday’s Democratic primary debate in favor of his own modest, homemade lectern.
Hillary Clinton Relaxing Before Debate With Few Hours Of Debate Practice

GOFFSTOWN, NH—Describing it as a much-needed escape from the hype and pressure surrounding the event, aides from Hillary Clinton’s presidential campaign confirmed that the candidate has been taking it easy and kicking back ahead of Saturday’s Democratic debate with a few hours of intensive debate practice.
Top-Selling Christmas Gifts Of 2015

Looking for ideas for what to get family and friends for Christmas this year? Here are the top-selling Christmas gifts in 2015.

Popular Features

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Out-Of-Control Hand Gesture Sends Bernie Sanders Tumbling Off Stage

GOFFSTOWN, NH—Thrown completely off-balance as he emphatically argued the benefits of a living wage, Vermont senator Bernie Sanders was reportedly sent tumbling off stage midway through Saturday’s Democratic debate by an out-of-control hand gesture.
Bernie Sanders Refuses Flashy ABC Podium In Favor Of Own Humble, Homemade Lectern

GOFFSTOWN, NH—Saying he would not accept anything offered by the nation’s corporate elite, presidential hopeful Bernie Sanders reportedly refused to use the podium provided by ABC for Saturday’s Democratic primary debate in favor of his own modest, homemade lectern.
Hillary Clinton Relaxing Before Debate With Few Hours Of Debate Practice

GOFFSTOWN, NH—Describing it as a much-needed escape from the hype and pressure surrounding the event, aides from Hillary Clinton’s presidential campaign confirmed that the candidate has been taking it easy and kicking back ahead of Saturday’s Democratic debate with a few hours of intensive debate practice.
Top-Selling Christmas Gifts Of 2015

Looking for ideas for what to get family and friends for Christmas this year? Here are the top-selling Christmas gifts in 2015.
‘Ghostbusters,’ ‘Top Gun’ Added To National Film Registry

Newswire

Ohio Police Deem 'Operation Outrun Partying Teens' A Tactical Failure

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‘Ghostbusters,’ ‘Top Gun’ Added To National Film Registry

U.S. Executions At Lowest Level Since 1991

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So Help Me God, I’m Going To Eat One Of Those Multicolored Detergent Pods

By Dylan DelMonico

Our Annual Year

Best of Technology 2015

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