We’ll worry about the weather, you just concentrate on you
H.J. Heinz (HNZ): $13.51 (+.88) (+7.0%) Shares rose this week when the Pittsburgh-based company discovered after going through some old papers that it was a global conglomerate that sells other items abroad besides ketchup, such as baked beans and baby food.
WASHINGTON—Citing the permanent damage that can result from even one second of unfiltered exposure to their ghastly visages, the American Astronomical Society cautioned Americans on Monday not to look directly at the screaming spirits of the damned during the solar eclipse.
WASHINGTON—Willing to concede the country was a failure but reluctant to be all alone in saying so, a poll released Monday found that a majority of Americans were ready to give up on the U.S. if someone else goes first.
WASHINGTON—His skin already starting to bubble, newly dismissed White House Chief Strategist Steve Bannon reportedly smiled and said “My work here is done” on Friday before bursting into millions of spores.