Fully Leveled-Up Video Game Character Marvels At How Far He's Come

WINDHELM, SKYRIM—Having completely filled out his skill tree, obtained every unique item, and successfully completed each quest and subquest within the expansive virtual world ...

Kidnapping Going Pretty Smoothly

ST. LOUIS—While admitting he’d been nervous at first about the seriousness of the felony he was committing, local kidnapper Milt Horton reported Wednesday ...

Ahmadinejad Signs On As Dean At Sarah Lawrence

BRONXVILLE, NY—Building on a decades-long career serving government and academic institutions in his home country, outgoing Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad officially accepted a position ...

Nation Admits It Always A Little Bored By Whole Jimmy Hoffa Thing

‘Why Is This Fascinating Again?’ Populace Asks

DETROIT—Following reports today that a new tip has prompted a renewed FBI search for the body of Jimmy Hoffa, the U.S.

Nelson Mandela Admits Thoughts, Prayers Of Millions Played No Part In Recovery

‘My Doctors Treated Me,’ Explains South African Icon

PRETORIA, SOUTH AFRICA—Addressing supporters Monday from the hospital bed where he is being treated for a recurring lung infection, former South African president Nelson ...