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Obama: No Option Off The Table Except Snatching Iran's Leaders With Hook Lowered From Plane And Flying Them To Washington

WASHINGTON—A resolute President Obama warned Tuesday that if Iran remained unwilling to halt its nuclear program, the United States would consider any and all options at its disposal short of whisking away the Islamic republic's leaders using a hook... more »
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"This is great news for the grim voiceover industry."

American Voices: Negative Advertising More Frequent In 2012 Primary
20 hours, 4 minutes ago

Nation Trying, Okay?
20 hours, 44 minutes ago

Crush Lasts Nearly Entire Bus Ride
1 day, 15 hours ago

MMA Fighter Unfortunately Discovers True Love For First Time On Morning Of Big Fight
by Jackie Harvey

I’m Getting Bitten By The Oscar Bug…AGAIN!
“That’s fine, as long as they’re not flying anywhere for awhile.”

American Voices: Fruit Flies Seek Out Alcohol
1 day, 19 hours ago

Video: NewsBlitz: Senate Session Interrupted By Wailing Of Ted Kennedy's Ghost
1 day, 20 hours ago

Ducks Only Interested In Area Man's Bread
5 days, 15 hours ago

Video: Man And Woman Get Drunk, Blow $30,000 In One Night

2 days, 14 hours ago

Disturbed Beltway Sources Report Congress Eerily Cooperative Today
2 days, 19 hours ago

Video: Boy Loses Leg In Totally Awesome Shark Attack
6 days, 15 hours ago

Video: Injured Derrick Rose Will Play Next Game Strapped To Gurney
2 days, 18 hours ago

Slideshow: The Week In Pictures
2 days, 17 hours ago

Editorial Cartoon: Royal Welcome
2 days, 18 hours ago

Sunday Magazine: 'I Killed Myself' One Man's Lost Battle With Alcoholism
"Why not take this as an excuse to just scrap them both and replace them with one convenient six-cent coin?"

American Voices: Pennies, Nickels To Change?
2 days, 20 hours ago

Local Child Amuses Café Patrons—But For How Long?
3 days, 15 hours ago

Suspicious-Looking Duffel Bag Spotted On Magic Bench Just Glen Davis

3 days, 19 hours ago

Suave Releases New 20-Year Leave-In Conditioner
"Fatass."

Fan On The Street: On Lance Armstrong’s Second-Place Triathlon Finish
4 days, 18 hours ago

NASCAR Driver's Parents Pay For Congratulatory Message On Side Of Son’s Car
4 days, 19 hours ago

Strongside/Weakside: Jeremy Lin
4 days, 19 hours ago

Tom Brady Cruelly Consolidates Power By Marrying Sister Off To Twisted But Influential Kevin Youkilis
4 days, 19 hours ago

Person Who Will One Day Become Warlord-Ruler Of What Was Once Nebraska Born In Omaha Hospital
5 days, 13 hours ago

New Sitcom To Feature Blocking Tight End Living With Pass-Catching Tight End
5 days, 14 hours ago

Terry Gilliam's Barbecue Plagued By Production Delays
5 days, 17 hours ago

Sportsgraphic: What To Look For In NASCAR This Year

Negative Advertising More Frequent In 2012 Primary

ISSUE 48•08 | 02.22.12 | American Voices

According to the ad-tracking firm Kantar Media/CMAG, the percentage of Republican primary attack ads increased from 6 percent in 2008 to 50 percent in 2012. more»
Nation Trying, Okay?

ISSUE 48•08 | 02.22.12 | News

NEW YORK—Pushed to the breaking point after constantly being taken to task for its shortcomings without ever hearing so much as a word of thanks for everything it does around here, an overwhelmed and infuriated nation announced Wednesday that it was... more»
Crush Lasts Nearly Entire Bus Ride

ISSUE 48•08 | 02.22.12 | Radio News
MMA Fighter Unfortunately Discovers True Love For First Time On Morning Of Big Fight

ISSUE 48•08 | 02.21.12 | Sports News in Brief

TERRE HAUTE, IN—In an unfortunate instance of ill-timing, mixed martial artist Pat Schrode finally discovered the feeling of true, unrequited love Saturday morning just hours before his fight with Kyle Hendrix. more»
I’m Getting Bitten By The Oscar Bug…AGAIN!

ISSUE 48•08 | 02.21.12 | Commentary

For some people, March Madness begins in March, and it’s tied to college basketball, but not me! more»
Fruit Flies Seek Out Alcohol

ISSUE 48•08 | 02.21.12 | American Voices

An Emory University study published in the journal Current Biology shows that common fruit flies often seek out fermented fruit for nourishment in order to self-medicate against the threat of deadly parasitic wasps. more»
NewsBlitz: Senate Session Interrupted By Wailing Of Ted Kennedy's Ghost

ISSUE 48•08 | 02.21.12 | Newsroom

Ted Kennedy's crying ghost disrupts Congress and a pilot crashes in the Kardashian wilderness, in today's NewsBlitz. more»
Ducks Only Interested In Area Man's Bread

ISSUE 48•08 | 02.21.12 | Radio News
Man And Woman Get Drunk, Blow $30,000 In One Night

ISSUE 48•07 | 02.17.12 | Onion Review

Movie fans demand to see new Heath Ledger performance in 'Dark Knight Rises,' a truly authentic Mexican restaurant is shut down immediately, and another dead body is tossed on a heap somewhere. more»
Disturbed Beltway Sources Report Congress Eerily Cooperative Today

ISSUE 48•08 | 02.20.12 | News

WASHINGTON—According to reports from distressed Capitol Hill sources, members of both houses of Congress were eerily cooperative and agreeable throughout today's legislative session, prompting widespread confusion, fear, and suspicion among politica... more»
Boy Loses Leg In Totally Awesome Shark Attack

ISSUE 48•08 | 02.20.12 | Today Now!

On Today Now!, Jim and Tracy talk to an 11-year-old who had his leg gnawed off by a cool-as-hell shark. more»
Injured Derrick Rose Will Play Next Game Strapped To Gurney

ISSUE 48•07 | 02.16.12 | OSN GOOMF

After another bite of sour fish, Doc struggles to hold down the Jeremy Lin trade, Derrick Rose in a gurney, and the wusses on the Mariners. more»
The Week In Pictures

ISSUE 48•07 | 02.20.12 | Slideshow
Royal Welcome

ISSUE 48•08 | 02.20.12 | Editorial Cartoon
'I Killed Myself' One Man's Lost Battle With Alcoholism

ISSUE 48•07 | 02.20.12 | Sunday Magazine
Pennies, Nickels To Change?

ISSUE 48•08 | 02.20.12 | American Voices

Because they cost more than twice their face value between non-cost-effective raw materials and manufacturing expenses, the Obama administration asked Congress for permission to change the metal composition for the nickel and penny. more»
Local Child Amuses Café Patrons—But For How Long?

ISSUE 48•08 | 02.20.12 | Radio News
Suspicious-Looking Duffel Bag Spotted On Magic Bench Just Glen Davis

ISSUE 48•08 | 02.19.12 | Sports News in Brief

ORLANDO—The Orlando Magic were forced to evacuate the Amway Center prior to their game against Milwaukee Friday after team officials called security to investigate a large, suspicious duffel bag that turned out to be forward Glen Davis. more»
Suave Releases New 20-Year Leave-In Conditioner

ISSUE 48•07 | 02.19.12 | News in Photos
On Lance Armstrong’s Second-Place Triathlon Finish

ISSUE 48•08 | 02.19.12 | Fan On The Street
NASCAR Driver's Parents Pay For Congratulatory Message On Side Of Son’s Car

ISSUE 48•08 | 02.18.12 | Photo Finish
Jeremy Lin

ISSUE 48•08 | 02.18.12 | Strongside/Weakside

Since coming out of nowhere two weeks ago, Jeremy Lin has rejuvenated the Knicks, reignited interest in basketball, and become a bona fide phenomenon. more»
Tom Brady Cruelly Consolidates Power By Marrying Sister Off To Twisted But Influential Kevin Youkilis

ISSUE 48•08 | 02.18.12 | Sports News in Brief

BOSTON—While acknowledging Tom Brady’s decision to betroth his sister Julie to savage, lecherous Kevin Youkilis may be morally repugnant on a personal level, Boston sports analysts said Thursday the move should consolidate the superstar’... more»
Person Who Will One Day Become Warlord-Ruler Of What Was Once Nebraska Born In Omaha Hospital

ISSUE 48•08 | 02.18.12 | News

BELLEVUE, NE—Shortly after 8 a.m. Tuesday, Landon Matthew Crowley, a 7-pound, 14-ounce baby boy and the future warlord who will rule over the charred remnants of what was once the state of Nebraska, was welcomed into the world at Omaha's Methodist H... more»
New Sitcom To Feature Blocking Tight End Living With Pass-Catching Tight End

ISSUE 48•08 | 02.17.12 | Sports News in Brief

LOS ANGELES—CBS executives announced Friday they have ordered a full season of a new show called Loose Ends, a situation comedy about a buttoned-down NFL tight end known for his blocking ability who lives in a condo with his brash young teamm... more»
Terry Gilliam's Barbecue Plagued By Production Delays

ISSUE 48•07 | 02.17.12 | Radio News
What To Look For In NASCAR This Year

ISSUE 48•08 | 02.17.12 | Sportsgraphic

Danica Patrick and fuel-injected cars are just two of the exciting changes NASCAR has in store for us this racing season. more»
What's Our Waiter's Deal?

ISSUE 48•07 | 02.17.12 | Statshot
FCC Blocks GPS-Jamming Broadband

ISSUE 48•07 | 02.17.12 | American Voices

Fearing it would interfere with GPS devices, the Federal Communications Commission is revoking the permit of the company LightSquared to build a nationwide wireless broadband network. more»
Knicks Doctors Continue Carefully Reinjuring Carmelo Anthony's Groin

ISSUE 48•08 | 02.17.12 | Sports News

NEW YORK—As the Jeremy Lin phenomenon continues to lift hopes and spirits among the Knicks faithful and basketball fans nationwide, team doctors are doing everything they can to maintain the unusually high level of morale by painstakingly and method... more»
Chinese National Found Guilty Of Stealing Trade Secrets

ISSUE 48•07 | 02.16.12 | Infographic

A former Motorola software engineer was found guilty of stealing industrial secrets, though acquitted of charges she intended to commit espionage on behalf of China. Here are some of the secrets she may have been trying to smuggle out of the country:... more»
Jamie Oliver Unearths Joy Division Master Tapes

ISSUE 48•07 | 02.16.12 | American Voices

While renovating the basement of a bank he plans to turn into a restaurant, celebrity chef Jamie Oliver reportedly found $1.7 million in valuables, which included jewelry, New Order and Joy Division master tapes, and a gun. more»
Moviegoers Not Interested In Hearing What Is, Isn't Possible, Demand Heath Ledger 'Dark Knight Rises' Appearance

ISSUE 48•07 | 02.16.12 | News

LOS ANGELES—Saying they don't want to hear anything at all about what film producers can or can't do, moviegoers across the country warned Thursday that the latest Batman movie, The Dark Knight Rises, had better include an appearance by the l... more»
Deadbeat Dads March On Las Vegas

ISSUE 48•07 | 02.16.12 | Radio News
Charlize Theron Hired To Ride Struggling Cleveland Light Rail System Monday Through Friday

ISSUE 48•07 | 02.15.12 | News in Brief

CLEVELAND—As part of an ongoing effort to rejuvenate its public transportation system, the Greater Cleveland Regional Transit Authority announced Wednesday that it had signed a three-year, $32 million deal hiring Academy Award–winning actress ... more»
Supreme Court Justice Robbed At Knifepoint

ISSUE 48•07 | 02.15.12 | American Voices

While vacationing in the Caribbean, Supreme Court Justice Stephen Breyer and his family were robbed of $1,000 by an intruder wielding a machete. more»
Nation Refuses To Read Headline Beyond Words '4-Year-Old Girl Forced To'

ISSUE 48•07 | 02.15.12 | News

RAFFERTYVILLE, FL—According to reports coming in from around the country this morning, people are steadfastly refusing to read a news headline past the words "4-Year-Old Girl Forced To," with most saying they simply don't have it in them t... more»
Smoker Inspired By Sight Of Elderly Smoker

ISSUE 48•07 | 02.15.12 | Radio News
Roger Goodell Backs Off Expansion Talk After Being Reminded Of Jacksonville Jaguars

ISSUE 48•07 | 02.14.12 | Sports News in Brief

NEW YORK—Amid talks of "possibly adding a 32nd team" to the National Football League, Commissioner Roger Goodell was reminded by aides Tuesday that the Jaguars have been playing in the AFC South for more than a decade. more»
Joad Cressbeckler: Immigrants Who Survive Arizona Desert Deserve Citizenship

ISSUE 48•07 | 02.14.12 | Newsroom

On The Cressbeckler Stance, Joad says any Mexican who crosses the scorching-hot desert on foot has proved himself worthy of U.S. more»
So, How Was Afghanistan?

ISSUE 48•07 | 02.14.12 | Commentary

Welcome back! Wow, I almost didn't recognize you. How long has it been? It seems like forever since you left for Afghanistan. more»
Saudi Journalist Arrested For Tweeting To Muhammad

ISSUE 48•07 | 02.14.12 | American Voices

Twenty-three-year-old Saudi newspaper columnist Hamza Kashgari was arrested in Malaysia, where he was trying to flee after receiving death threats for tweets addressed to the Prophet Muhammad. more»
Shiny, Wriggling Object Attracting Interest Among Fish Community

ISSUE 48•07 | 02.14.12 | Radio News
Prime Time for Ticker Tape

ISSUE 48•07 | 02.13.12 | Editorial Cartoon
New Breeding Program Aimed At Keeping Moderate Republicans From Going Extinct

ISSUE 48•07 | 02.13.12 | News

WASHINGTON—Saying the now critically endangered species of politician is at high risk for complete extinction within the next 10 years, Beltway-area conservationists announced plans Monday for a new captive breeding program designed to save moderate... more»

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Leaf From "Tree Of Life" Frontrunner For Best Actor Oscar

NewsBlitz: Senate Session Interrupted By Wailing Of Ted Kennedy's Ghost

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