adBlockCheck
September 27, 2016
66°
66°

6 to 8 inches of sun

Stocks
AAPL -5.23%

Big Shiny Apple Merkins (AAPL): $418.37 (-$23.07) (-5.23%) Shares continued their steady decline as Silicon Valley investors continued to respond negatively to the iPhone maker’s bizarre, cumbersome new name.

America's Finest News Source
“Tu Stultus Es”

Fact-Checking The First Presidential Debate

Addressing issues ranging from national security to trade to their personal controversies, Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton and Republican nominee Donald Trump squared off in the first presidential debate Monday. The Onion takes a look at the validity of their bolder claims:

Election 2016

More Election Coverage

Poll: 89% Of Debate Viewers Tuning In Solely To See Whether Roof Collapses

HEMPSTEAD, NY—Explaining that the American people showed relatively little interest in learning more about the nominees’ economic, counterterrorism, or immigration policies, a new Quinnipiac University poll revealed that 89 percent of viewers were tuning into Monday night’s presidential debate solely to see whether the roof collapses on the two candidates.

In The News

New Study Finds Solving Every Single Personal Problem Reduces Anxiety

SEATTLE—Explaining that participants left the clinical trial feeling calmer and more positive, a study published Monday by psychologists at the University of Washington has determined that people can significantly reduce their anxiety by solving every single one of their personal problems.

Special Coverage

Graphical Features

Recommended

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close