Everyone Forgets To Bring Swimsuits To Coworker’s Party

'What Are The Odds?' Pasty, Flabby Colleagues Say

ARLINGTON, TX—While gathered for a party at a coworker’s backyard pool Saturday, out-of-shape colleagues at Shuster, Layne & Associates were struck by the coincidence ...

Nation Supposes It's Outraged By White House Scandals

'I Guess It's Bad, Sure,' Populace Shrugs

WASHINGTON—Reacting to the number of major scandals currently plaguing the White House, a somewhat confused American populace told reporters Friday that yeah, sure, they ...

Obama Fondly Recalls Frustration Of First Term

WASHINGTON—Saying that those were definitely some good times, a reflective President Obama told reporters Friday that the current scandals plaguing his administration have made ...

Coworker Who Went To Gym This Morning A Chipper Little Fucker

BROOKLYN, NY—Running his hands through his freshly showered hair while hanging his backpack on the back of his chair, unbearably chipper little motherfucker Dave ...

The Onion Urges Barack Obama To Come Clean About The Basilisk Project

This week, President Barack Obama and his administration have come under fire from political opponents seeking an explanation for the White House’s alleged complicity ...