July 27, 2015

Cumulodestructous clouds

CON +4.6%

Converse Shoes (CON): $6.58 (-$0.32) (+4.6%) Shares fell when the company’s quarterly report revealed the lack of punk bands forming in 2011 had caused sales of the shoe manufacturer’s popular Chuck Taylor brand to fall to its lowest level since 1997.

America's Finest News Source
“Tu Stultus Es”

In The News

Good News Kept From Parents Out Of Fear Of Proving Them Right

DANBURY, CT—Saying she wants no part of the conversation that would inevitably result if she broke the good news, local medical billing technician Jenny Comers reported Friday that she’s keeping word of her recent pay raise from her parents out of fear of proving them right.

Special Coverage

Onion Video

Watch More

Graphical Features