June 30, 2015
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Heinous

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CTCS +3.61%

Cell Tower Camouflage Services (CTCS): $31.26 (+$1.09) (+3.61%) Investors reacted positively to the company’s plan to discontinue developing treelike antennas and focus solely on breeding trees to look more like cell towers.

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Disney Unveils First Virgin Princess

LOS ANGELES—In an effort to better reflect the diverse backgrounds and experiences of their audience, Disney officials this week introduced Lily of Hazelberry, the company’s first virgin princess.

Nation’s Homophobic Bigots Pack It In

‘Rules Are Rules,’ Say Those With Deeply Ingrained Prejudices

WASHINGTON—Following the Supreme Court’s landmark ruling that bans on same-sex marriage were unconstitutional, the nation’s homophobic bigots reportedly conceded today that “rules are rules” and announced that they were going to pack it in.

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