BLOOMINGTON, IN—After surveying the dozen railcars and cargo of Lincoln Logs strewn haphazardly across the grass mat, investigators concluded Friday that a massive model train derailment was the result of conductor fatigue.
Following last week’s deadly Paris attacks and numerous other violent incidents perpetrated by the terror group ISIS, many governments and populations worldwide are wondering how we can eliminate this threat. Here are some strategies to defeat the Islamic State:
LOS ANGELES—Concerned moviegoing citizens across the nation issued an urgent appeal to Hollywood studios this week to make more films in which a guy is shot multiple times in the chest and then, later on, is revealed to have been wearing a bulletproof vest the whole time.
WASHINGTON—Viewing the latest entertainment coverage of the 23-year-old singer and actor with great satisfaction, pleased citizens across the U.S. announced Thursday that Selena Gomez had completed her transition into a sexualized plaything just as they had expected.
The Onion’s movie critic Peter K. Rosenthal reviews ‘Spectre’ in this week’s Film Standard.
A new study from Harvard University found that men who wear Mötley Crüe denim jackets on a regular basis showed staggering levels of testosterone and sexual prowess.
What is the path forward for women given the barriers to equality they face worldwide? The Onion explains women’s rights.
How close has the nuclear-armed world come to a descending into outright global catastrophe? The Onion explains nuclear proliferation.
How do dangerous narcotics cartels smuggle their goods into the U.S. and what is the human cost of their operations? The Onion explains the drug trade.
Sponsored by Starbucks DoubleshotHe might only be in kindergarten, but data entry prodigy Jeffrey Peters is well on his way to a career of endlessly depressing temp jobs.