September 25, 2016

Moistly sunny

RITZ 2.71%

Ritz (RITZ): $42.78 (+$1.13) (2.71%) Stock in the cracker-industry leader saw a bump after poor and unemployed citizens nationwide discovered how rewarding it was to fan out crackers on a plate and pretend they were at a fancy ball.

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“Tu Stultus Es”

Relaxing Tea Better Fucking Work

SMYRNA, DE—Saying he needed to be transported to a tranquil, untroubled state of calmness pronto, local man Pete McCartin, 29, told reporters Thursday that a fresh-brewed mug of purportedly relaxation-promoting tea had better fucking work.

Election 2016

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A Primer On North Korea

The Democratic People’s Republic of Korea remains largely unknown to Americans due mainly to the secrecy and isolationism upheld by its government. The Onion provides a primer on North Korea’s people and culture

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