At the AV Club: Jay Baruchel

Sometimes, Area Woman Just Feels...  03.20.10

BELMONT, NH—"It's not anybody’s fault, honestly," said 28-year-old Megan Slota, standing in her kitchen and holding a mug of tea with both hands. "Sometimes I just get like this where it's like I'm not, I guess, whatever. We don’t have to get into it right now." more»

Sports »

Newest Bronco Brady Quinn: 'The Brody Qualls Era Has Begun'

DENVER—In the first of what is expected to be a long series of gaffes with his new team, quarterback Brady Quinn bungled a statement to Broncos coaches, players, and fans Tuesday by mistakenly declaring that the Brody Qualls era had begun in Denver. more»

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Pope Forgives Molested Children  05.22.02

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  • Growing Number Of Americans Distrust Census
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    Despite the fact that the 2010 Census form is the shortest in recent history, some anti-government activists are refusing to answer any question besides the number of people in their household.…more»

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  • Sometimes, Area Woman Just Feels...
    14 minutes ago

    BELMONT, NH—"It's not anybody’s fault, honestly," said 28-year-old Megan Slota, standing in her kitchen and holding a mug of tea with both hands. "Sometimes I just get like this where it's like I'm not, I guess, whatever. We don’t have to get into it right now."…more»

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  • PLANO, TX—Two days into her flower-arrangement class, Bridgid Ryan, 26, decided she was the coolest person in class.

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    Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19

    There truly is more than one way to skin a cat, but the limited market for cat skins makes learning more than three methods impractical.

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  • It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia

    FX

    10 p.m. EST / 9 p.m. CST

    Mac realizes he's running late to a date and decides the best solution would be to murder everyone in his family, but everyone in Mac's family is trying to murder Mac because they don't like his haircut, so they just decide to stay a family instead.

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  • Dear The Onion, I missed the first 30 years of Garfield. Would you mind summarizing? Thanks. Sarah Weatherly, Lincoln, NE

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  • -

    DUKE

    Duke & Duke Commodities Brokers

    $2.73 $83.9 (down 96.6%)

    Stock prices plummeted today as proprietors Mortimer and Randolph Duke, believing a fraudulent orange crop report to be authentic, incurred a $394 million loss from their purchase of frozen concentrated orange juice futures at inflated prices, and, in turn, subsidized the fortunes of two men—a former privileged investor and a onetime street hustler—whose fates they had cruelly reversed in a contemptible low-stakes wager.

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