August 31, 2015
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Raining like hotcakes

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MCHN +3.89%

McIlhenny Company (MCHN): $29.14 (+1.09) (+3.89%) The manufacturer of Tabasco brand products enjoyed an increase in stock values after a nationwide outbreak of really bland-tasting food last weekend.

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Single, Unemployed Mother Leeching Off Government

WASHINGTON—Taking advantage of the system and giving nothing back in return, local unemployed, single mother Mei Xiang reportedly gave birth to two more children out of wedlock this week and continued to pathetically leech off the government.

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