Planters (PLT): $31.21 (-$2.17) (-6.50%) The nut purveyor’s shares took a hit today after investors learned that Mr. Peanut’s condition had deteriorated, leaving him permanently confined to a wheelchair.
NEW YORK—Reversing the highly publicized and controversial change to its pages, The Wall Street Journal announced Friday that the daily newspaper will resume featuring nude photographs after a failed yearlong experiment with nudity-free issues.
WASHINGTON—Saying no one in the country is responsible or reliable enough to serve as a legal guardian, child protective services officials from all 50 states confirmed Friday that they had found all of the nation’s adults unfit to be parents and had taken custody of approximately 80 million children.
MOSCOW—Saying he did not want to waste his energy, Kremlin agent Pyotr Vasiliev told reporters Friday that he would not even bother trying to compromise a Trump staffer he knew will be forced to resign in a few months.
WASHINGTON—Noting that the tight-knit group rarely associated with others, shy ex-Citigroup executive Harold Burke told reporters Friday that he has been struggling to fit in with the popular clique of ex–Goldman Sachs executives at the White House.