WINTER PARK, FL—Coming in first by a significant margin, “back to dock” was voted the most popular destination among passengers currently on a rowboat, according to a poll released by ‘Boating Magazine’ on Tuesday.
NEW YORK—Saying the ghastly imitations were sadly not entirely surprising, sources told reporters Tuesday that a widely viewed documentary about a brutal murder had inspired a string of numerous copycat documentaries.
CHARLOTTE, NC—Saying it has already become a fixture in his daily routine, local 27-year-old Greg Weise installed a home pull-up bar to absentmindedly tap while passing through the hallway, sources confirmed Tuesday.
WASHINGTON—As legislators gathered Tuesday for a critical vote that would go a long way toward finally repealing and replacing the Affordable Care Act, Senator Shelley Moore Capito (R-WV) was reportedly struggling to weigh the interests of her entire constituency against absolutely nothing.
WASHINGTON—Telling the Senate Intelligence Committee that he had no choice because saying anything else would be incredibly stupid, Senior Advisor to the President Jared Kushner testified Monday that he did not collude with Russia during the campaign, but pretty much had to say that.
PROVIDENCE, RI—Just over a week into the administration of President Donald Trump, local man Alex Seidman, a 36-year-old who will be shocked eight separate times by today’s news, told reporters Monday that at this point, nothing would surprise him.