Elderly Woman Begins Freezing Meals Husband Can Eat While She’s Passed Away
SHARPSBURG, PA—In an effort to provide comfort and nourishing food to her spouse in her absence, local octogenarian Helen Griggs told reporters Wednesday that ...
Pope Rummaging Through Vatican Basement For Plastic Nativity Scene Figures
VATICAN CITY—Hoping to have all his holiday decorations up by the weekend, His Holiness Pope Francis has spent the past two hours rummaging through ...
Police Officer Demonstrates Proper Technique For Subduing Grand Jury
NEW YORK—Saying that the maneuver was 100 percent effective if administered correctly, police captain Matthew Carlson demonstrated the proper technique for subduing a grand ...
High School Band Teacher Spends 85% Of Rehearsal Hammering In Dress Code For Holiday Concert
SAN JOSE, CA—Emphasizing the importance of his instructions by raising his voice and repeating crucial points, Leland High School band teacher Jeff Amos reportedly ...
Disheartened Man Expected At Least One Text While Checking Phone After Flight
BALTIMORE—Expressing frustration over the lack of any new text notifications on his phone, disheartened Southwest Airlines passenger Shawn Woods confirmed Thursday that he had ...
James Bond Fans Concerned After Learning New Film’s Shooting Locations All In New Hampshire
NEW YORK—Reacting with a mixture of surprise and disappointment, fans of the James Bond series voiced concern Thursday after learning that all of the ...
World Leaders Gather To Discuss How Fucking Amazing Running A Country Is
ZURICH, SWITZERLAND—Arriving from around the world for a three-day political summit, the highest-ranking government officials from over 190 nations have gathered in Zurich this ...
