adBlockCheck
February 8, 2016
-21°
-21°

Awesome night for checking out the graveyard, unless you’re gonna be a fucking wuss about it

Stocks
FCS -4%

Fittington's Clothing Store (FCS): $53.97 (-$2.25) (-4%) Prices continued to tumble for this big-box clothing retailer, which has come under fire following revelations that its clothing only fits in a Fittington’s pressurized changing room.

America's Finest News Source
“Tu Stultus Es”

Saudi Authorities Decry Wasteful 3-Hour Death-Row Appeals Process

RIYADH, SAUDI ARABIA—Criticizing the amount of time and money wasted between a condemned individual’s sentencing and eventual execution, Saudi government officials expressed frustration Monday over the country’s costly three-hour appeals process for convicts facing the death penalty.

In The News

Driving Vs. Public Transportation

Weighing factors such as convenience, time commitment, and environmental impact, deciding whether to commute via car or public transit can be difficult. Here is a side-by-side comparison of the two options

More videos on Onion Studios

Special Coverage

Onion Video

Watch More

Graphical Features

Recommended

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close