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    • Last Updated 11:36 AM
  • Yankees To Rest Pitching Mound After 8 Innings Of CC Sabathia

    NEW YORK— Yankees manager Joe Girardi announced at a press conference Tuesday his plans to give the pitching mound a few days of rest to fully recover from enduring eight grueling innings of hurler CC Sabathia. "A long outing of Sabathia r... more »

  • Newswire
    • TV Listings: The Skeet Shooter  16 hours, 48 minutes ago

    • WEDDINGS: Jessica Tanley and Rodney Holl 16 hours, 49 minutes ago

    • Bryce Harper Asks Manager Where Bats Come From 16 hours, 50 minutes ago

    • JOPLIN, MO—If Trevor Mahoney had reserved the U-Haul like he said he would, we wouldn't even be having this conversation in the first place, dick. 16 hours, 51 minutes ago

    • Independent Baking Scene Apparently Worth A Documentary 16 hours, 52 minutes ago

    • Never-Used Bike Still In Pretty Good Shape 16 hours, 53 minutes ago

    • Jubilant Rangers Throw Skates Into Stands 1 day, 17 hours ago

    • Pushy Hermit Crab Girlfriend Wants To Move In 1 day, 17 hours ago

    • Letters To The Editor: One More Like 1 day, 17 hours ago

    • Sculpture Of Stereotypical Italian Chef Proof Of Pizzeria’s High Standard Of Excellence 1 day, 17 hours ago

    • Sportsgraphic: Metta World Peace 1 day, 17 hours ago

    • Ohio Film Festival Graphic Designer To Go With Film Reels For The O's 1 day, 17 hours ago

    • Fleet Of Ambulances On Hand For 41-Year-Olds' Touch Football Game 1 day, 17 hours ago

    • TV Listings: The Return Of Eddie 2 days, 14 hours ago

    • American Voices: Sweetener Makes You Dumber 2 days, 14 hours ago

    • HARRISBURG, PA—Josh Newton, 32, wouldn't say that Thursday was a complete waste, since he did watch nearly every video about Jeffrey Dahmer on YouTube. 2 days, 14 hours ago

    • SMU Adds "Do Not Resuscitate" To Larry Brown's Contract 2 days, 14 hours ago

    • [video] Dying Chevron Executive Excited To One Day Become Oil 2 days, 14 hours ago

    • Baseball Officials Concerned As More And More Retired Players Begin To Show Jose Canseco–Like Symptoms 2 days, 14 hours ago

    • Sportsgraphic: Famous Flops In Sports 2 days, 15 hours ago

    • Magazine: That One Kid In High School Who Had A Hearing Aid: We Check And See How Bad His Hearing Is Now 2 days, 15 hours ago

    • Alien Still Hasn't Gotten Around To Listening To Whole Voyager Golden Record 2 days, 16 hours ago

    • American Voices: New DVR Can Skip Ads 2 days, 16 hours ago

    • Heat Lose Chris Bosh Indefinitely To Severe Poetic Justice 2 days, 17 hours ago

    • [audio] Local Man Shot With Girly Pistol 2 days, 18 hours ago

  • News in Brief

    Independent Baking Scene Apparently Worth A Documentary

    05.20.12

    SEATTLE—A string of independent bakeries in the Seattle area apparently provided enough material to warrant a 73-minute documentary titled Rise: The Resurgence Of The Artisanal Bakery, 27-year-old Netflix browser Cyrus Wall observed Sunday. more»

  • Photo Finish

    Jubilant Rangers Throw Skates Into Stands

    05.19.12

  • News in Photos

    Pushy Hermit Crab Girlfriend Wants To Move In

    05.19.12

  • News in Brief

    Sculpture Of Stereotypical Italian Chef Proof Of Pizzeria’s High Standard Of Excellence

    05.19.12

    MINNEAPOLIS—According to customers, a fiberglass sculpture of a fat mustachioed Italian stereotype recently placed in front of Gunther's Pizza has provided irrefutable proof of the restaurant's high standard of excellence. more»

  • Sportsgraphic

    Metta World Peace

    05.19.12

    Mr. World Peace changed his name last year in order to show he'd rejected the hooliganism that got him in trouble as Ron Artest, but he's also coming off a seven-game suspension for a blind elbow. more»

  • News

    Fleet Of Ambulances On Hand For 41-Year-Olds' Touch Football Game

    05.19.12

    GOLDSBORO, NC—Anticipating the very likely need for rapid medical evacuation, a fleet of ambulances from several regional hospitals took up positions Saturday at the edge of Fairview Park, where a group of 41-year-old former college friends had gath... more»

  • American Voices

    Sweetener Makes You Dumber

    05.18.12

    “What about the study Pepsi financed? What did that show?” more»

  • Onion Review

    Dying Chevron Executive Excited To One Day Become Oil

    05.18.12

    The transportation secretary flips out on a pothole in Baltimore, a man wearing red glasses and pink pants is probably Dutch or something, and an Ohio Film Festival graphic designer decides to go with film reels for the O's. It's the week of May 14th, 2012. more»

  • Sports News in Brief

    Baseball Officials Concerned As More And More Retired Players Begin To Show Jose Canseco–Like Symptoms

    05.18.12

    NEW YORK—In response to evidence an increasing number of former players are showing what doctors say can only be described as "Jose Canseco–like symptoms," the MLB announced Friday it was launching an investigation into whether ... more»

  • Sportsgraphic

    Famous Flops In Sports

    05.18.12

    Faking outrage or egregious injury in order to draw a penalty, once the purview of soccer players, is becoming more and more common across all sports these days. more»

Video

Alabama Hosts First Desegregated Mass Suicide

Dying Chevron Executive Excited To One Day Become Oil

Republicans Stalling Obama's Agenda By Speaking, Moving In Slow Motion

Opinion
  • One More Like 05.19

  • Sweetener Makes You Dumber 05.18

  • New DVR Can Skip Ads 05.18

  • Evolution Of Obama's Gay Marriage Stance 05.17

Local
  • JOPLIN, MO—If Trevor Mahoney had reserved the U-Haul like he said he would, we wouldn't even be having this conversation in the first place, dick. 05.20

  • Never-Used Bike Still In Pretty Good Shape 05.20

  • Pushy Hermit Crab Girlfriend Wants To Move In 05.19

  • Sculpture Of Stereotypical Italian Chef Proof Of Pizzeria’s High Standard Of Excellence 05.19

Entertainment
  • The Skeet Shooter  05.20

  • Independent Baking Scene Apparently Worth A Documentary 05.20

  • Ohio Film Festival Graphic Designer To Go With Film Reels For The O's 05.19

  • The Return Of Eddie 05.18

Science & Technology
  • Loophole In Curse Lets Archaeologist Off The Hook 05.08

  • FDA Approves Napalm Breast Implants 05.08

  • Mosquitoes Don't Even Need To Bite Us, Study Shows 05.04

  • Court Orders Amazon.com To Adopt Bankrupt Bookstores' Cats 05.03

sports
  • Bryce Harper Asks Manager Where Bats Come From 05.20

  • Yankees To Rest Pitching Mound After 8 Innings Of CC Sabathia 05.20

  • Jubilant Rangers Throw Skates Into Stands 05.19

  • Metta World Peace 05.19

Politics
  • Republicans Stalling Obama's Agenda By Speaking, Moving In Slow Motion 05.17

  • Same Homeless Man Always Begging For Change On United Flight 05.11

  • Gingrich Drops Out Of Presidential Race 05.10

  • Obama Blasts Obama's Evasive Stance On Gay Marriage 05.09

American Voices »

Sweetener Makes You Dumber

“What about the study Pepsi financed? What did that show?”

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