September 1, 2015
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AHHHHH! OH GOD! OH GOD! IT BURNS!

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JLLO -11.84%

Jell-O (JLLO): $23.38 (-$3.14) (-11.84%) Political instability in key pudding-producing regions continues to weigh on stock prices, with the most recent reports confirming that separatist rebels had seized a butterscotch refinery and blown up several strategically important banana-cream pipelines.

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God Wondering How Far He Could Throw Earth

THE HEAVENS—His gaze shifting from the terrestrial planet out to the expanse of the universe and then back, The Lord Almighty, Our Heavenly Father, reportedly wondered aloud Tuesday just how far He could throw the Earth.

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The Pros And Cons Of Legalizing Prostitution

Several global advocacy groups, including the World Health Organization, Amnesty International, and Human Rights Watch, are calling for the decriminalization of prostitution, but many are fighting to keep the practice illegal, citing the moral, ethical, and practical concerns of condoning the sale of sex. Here are the pros and cons of legalizing prostitution:

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