SAN DIEGO—Engaging in numerous protracted debates over such factors as character limits and ideal launch dates, employees of local marketing firm InterGauge have spent the last two hours gathered in their conference room to think up a hashtag that absolutely no one on earth will ever use, sources confirmed Thursday. “It has to have click-through appeal for both the 18-to-29 and the 30-to-49 demographic—but above all, it should encapsulate the brand’s story,” said communications director Will Donelan of the promotional hashtag whose supposedly “fun, interactive view of cloud computing solutions” will be neither noticed nor remarked upon by any of the planet’s 7.3 billion inhabitants, all of whom will give precisely zero seconds of their attention to the phrase that was pored over and workshopped by 13 strategists over the course of a 127-minute brainstorming session. “Something short and punchy will really impact users and create meaningful affinity for the campaign. I like the angle of #BigDataBigDreams, but can we maybe distill that to its essence a little more?” At press time, the finalized hashtag, which will generate no social engagement from anyone anywhere in the world at any time, was written in marker on the firm’s white board and emphatically circled by pleased members of the InterGauge marketing team.

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