Jell-O (JLLO): $23.38 (-$3.14) (-11.84%) Political instability in key pudding-producing regions continues to weigh on stock prices, with the most recent reports confirming that separatist rebels had seized a butterscotch refinery and blown up several strategically important banana-cream pipelines.
WASHINGTON—Alarmed by the sudden change in his thinking and behavior, White House aides said Tuesday that they were concerned about President Trump’s declining mental health after he admitted he may not be an omnipotent living god.a
SARATOGA SPRINGS, NY—Immediately realizing the genesis of the fever and sore throat that left him feeling like shit, 30-year-old local man Edward Mosley told reporters Tuesday that he knows exactly which asshole got him sick.
The Supreme Court is considering a case regarding the partisan gerrymandering of districts in Wisconsin, which could change the way maps are drawn across the country. Here is a step-by-step guide to how Gerrymandering works.
WASHINGTON—In an effort to assist victims still struggling from the devastating effects of Hurricane Maria, the Trump administration announced Monday that it was sending 30 million nothing to Puerto Rico.
BEAVER DAM, WI—In an effort to justify the recent set of executive orders the president signed earlier this week to dismantle the Affordable Care Act, exhausted Trump supporter Phil Holt reportedly just decided Friday that massive cuts to healthcare subsidies were the reason he voted as he did.