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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.

How To Combat Harassment Online

Online harassment is an increasingly contentious issue, with social media sites like Twitter and Reddit pressured to crack down on users’ abusive behavior. Here are The Onion’s tips for combating harassment online:

Strongside/Weakside: Deshaun Watson

After leading his team to victory in the College Football Playoff National Championship, Clemson University quarterback Deshaun Watson announced he would forgo his final year of eligibility and declare for the NFL Draft. Is he any good?
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Founded in 2014, ClickHole is a sister site of The Onion featuring the most clickable, shareable content the internet has to offer, and is built on the guiding principle that everything published on the internet deserves the right to go viral. Learn more about the site here.


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Books

The Onion has released 13 books over its illustrious 250-year publishing history, including three books of original material. All are available for purchase here.

Our Dumb Century: The Onion Presents 100 Years Of Headlines From America’s Finest News Source (1999)
Our Dumb World: The Onion’s Atlas Of The Planet Earth (2007)
The Onion Book Of Known Knowledge: A Definitive Encyclopaedia Of Existing Information (2012)


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