adBlockCheck

Recent News

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
End Of Section
  • More News

1 In 3 Twentysomethings Have Faked Calls

According to a new survey from the Pew Research Center, 30 percent of cell phones users aged 18 to 29 have feigned calls in the past month to avoid certain social situations. What do you think?

  • “What I really hate is when they try to fool you by pretending their hand is a phone.”

    Ian O’Brien Export Manager
  • "Yeah, I’ll admit it’s a pretty convenient dodge. The only downside is getting socked with hefty fees when I go over my pretend minutes."

    Mickey Taylor Belt Picker
  • “Wow! Really? That’s… Sorry, I’ve got to take this.”

    Regan Hill Unemployed

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close