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Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
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1 In 3 Twentysomethings Have Faked Calls

According to a new survey from the Pew Research Center, 30 percent of cell phones users aged 18 to 29 have feigned calls in the past month to avoid certain social situations. What do you think?

  • “What I really hate is when they try to fool you by pretending their hand is a phone.”

    Ian O’Brien Export Manager
  • "Yeah, I’ll admit it’s a pretty convenient dodge. The only downside is getting socked with hefty fees when I go over my pretend minutes."

    Mickey Taylor Belt Picker
  • “Wow! Really? That’s… Sorry, I’ve got to take this.”

    Regan Hill Unemployed

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