10-Year Anniversary Of Iraq Invasion

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Vol 49 Issue 12

Charlotte Bobcats Get Lost While Driving To Basket

CHARLOTTE, NC—Attempting to put together an offensive play during last night’s matchup against the Detroit Pistons, the Charlotte Bobcats’ starting five got lost while driving to the basket, team sources confirmed Sunday.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Comfort

  • Child Visiting Ellis Island Sees Where Grandparents Once Toured

    ELLIS ISLAND, NY—Pausing to imagine the throngs of people who must have arrived with them that day back in 1994, 12-year-old Max Bertrand reportedly spent his visit to Ellis Island this afternoon walking around the same immigrant station his grandparents once toured.

Productivity

Scientists Posit Theoretical ‘Productive Weekend’

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Challenging long-accepted scientific convention, a group of leading MIT scientists published a report Thursday positing that, under certain rare and specific conditions, a so-called “productive weekend” is theoretically pos...

10-Year Anniversary Of Iraq Invasion

Over a dozen explosions were reported in Baghdad today with more than 50 confirmed dead on the tenth anniversary of the U.S.-led invasion of Iraq. What do you think?

  • “Come on, another anniversary? Must we celebrate every little ground war we start?”

    Mark Chung
    Ferry Captain
  • “I’ve been trying to make a celebratory cake, but it keeps blowing up in the oven. Spent like $4 trillion on ingredients already.”

    Abby Winnick
    Unemployed
  • “Yeah, 2003 was a crazy time. Remember Evanescence? What were we thinking?”

    Thomas Lawner
    Laminator
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