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Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
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10-Year-Old Girl Gives Birth

A 10-year-old girl in Colombia gave birth to a healthy 5-pound boy, making her one of the youngest mothers on record. What do you think?

  • "I hope they're able to play nice together."

    Hank Arias Hand Former
  • "Stop rubbing my nose in the memory of what it was like to go through grade school as a barren woman."

    Colette Legere Rubber Liner
  • "Kids these days just grow up so fast. Especially when they're likely raped by members of the family or someone else in their town they probably trusted."

    Fritz Coleman Crate Opener

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