10-Year-Old Girl Gives Birth

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Vol 48 Issue 15

April 17

Sandalwood Circle residents are advised that the Baumgartners will be having pretty loud sex this Tuesday shortly after 9 p.m.

Glass Ceiling Business

"All the feminist movement needed to do was bring on someone who had the balls to do something about this glass ceiling business." - Peter "Buck" McGowan, chief of the worldwide initiative for women's rights
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TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Race Relations

Healthy Living

  • The Onion’s Guide To Gym Etiquette

    Every new year brings a surge in gym membership from new members nicknamed “resolutionists,” many of whom may be unaware that there are unspoken rules everyone must observe when working out.

10-Year-Old Girl Gives Birth

A 10-year-old girl in Colombia gave birth to a healthy 5-pound boy, making her one of the youngest mothers on record. What do you think?

  • "I hope they're able to play nice together."

    Hank Arias
    Hand Former
  • "Stop rubbing my nose in the memory of what it was like to go through grade school as a barren woman."

    Colette Legere
    Rubber Liner
  • "Kids these days just grow up so fast. Especially when they're likely raped by members of the family or someone else in their town they probably trusted."

    Fritz Coleman
    Crate Opener
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