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Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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100,000 Condoms Distributed To Olympic Athletes

In an effort to prevent athletes from contracting STDs during the Winter Olympics, the International Olympic Committee has distributed 100,000 condoms to the 7,650 competitors bunking in the Olympic Village, or about 13 condoms per person. What do you think?

  • “100,000 condoms for two weeks? That’s more than I go through in a whole year!”

    Wayne Halfpenny Web Page Designer
  • “That seems like a lot of pressure to put on athletes to have sex with each other.”

    Glenn London Theme Park Administrator
  • “Fine, but I just can’t imagine how two weeks will be enough time for them to ask people out, go on a few dates, agree to start committed relationships, get married, and then after much prayer and discussion, consummate their unions.”

    Cathy Rochin Floral Arranger

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