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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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100,000 Condoms Distributed To Olympic Athletes

In an effort to prevent athletes from contracting STDs during the Winter Olympics, the International Olympic Committee has distributed 100,000 condoms to the 7,650 competitors bunking in the Olympic Village, or about 13 condoms per person. What do you think?

  • “100,000 condoms for two weeks? That’s more than I go through in a whole year!”

    Wayne Halfpenny Web Page Designer
  • “That seems like a lot of pressure to put on athletes to have sex with each other.”

    Glenn London Theme Park Administrator
  • “Fine, but I just can’t imagine how two weeks will be enough time for them to ask people out, go on a few dates, agree to start committed relationships, get married, and then after much prayer and discussion, consummate their unions.”

    Cathy Rochin Floral Arranger
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