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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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127 Charged In Mob Sweep

In the largest mob crackdown in U.S. history, the FBI has targeted 30 “made” members and nearly 100 associates of the Mafia in New York, New Jersey, and Rhode Island. What do you think?

  • "Great, now everyone is going to know that I’m not really in the mob."

    Terry James Unemployed
  • "It's high time they cleaned up that corrupt and lawless backwater city. Now if New York could only prevent the wealthy elite from purchasing the mayorship."

    Samantha Mahew Geodesist
  • "With the Rhode Island gang locked up and cider season over, the New Hampshire and Vermont crews are poised to raise some hell in New England."

    Will Degville Systems Analyst

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