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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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134 Ice Fishermen Rescued

After the ice sheet they were fishing on broke away from the shore this weekend, 134 men had to be rescued by helicopter from Lake Erie. What do you think?
  • "That's not fair. I live near Lake Erie and have been waiting for years to be rescued."

    Mel Dargan Customer Representative
  • "See, if that had been women ice-fishing instead of men, the testosterone levels involved with impulsive decision-making would not have prompted such an unwise choice. Also, women are fatter and thus more buoyant."

    Catherine Ranney Document Control Clerk
  • "My heart goes out to their families."

    Joe Kring Turning Machinist

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