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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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134 Ice Fishermen Rescued

After the ice sheet they were fishing on broke away from the shore this weekend, 134 men had to be rescued by helicopter from Lake Erie. What do you think?
  • "That's not fair. I live near Lake Erie and have been waiting for years to be rescued."

    Mel Dargan Customer Representative
  • "See, if that had been women ice-fishing instead of men, the testosterone levels involved with impulsive decision-making would not have prompted such an unwise choice. Also, women are fatter and thus more buoyant."

    Catherine Ranney Document Control Clerk
  • "My heart goes out to their families."

    Joe Kring Turning Machinist
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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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