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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.
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134 Ice Fishermen Rescued

After the ice sheet they were fishing on broke away from the shore this weekend, 134 men had to be rescued by helicopter from Lake Erie. What do you think?
  • "That's not fair. I live near Lake Erie and have been waiting for years to be rescued."

    Mel Dargan Customer Representative
  • "See, if that had been women ice-fishing instead of men, the testosterone levels involved with impulsive decision-making would not have prompted such an unwise choice. Also, women are fatter and thus more buoyant."

    Catherine Ranney Document Control Clerk
  • "My heart goes out to their families."

    Joe Kring Turning Machinist

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