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Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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15% Of U.S. Adults Don’t Go Online

According to the Pew Research Center, 15 percent of adults in the United States do not go online or use email. What do you think?

  • “They should. It’s fun.”

    Ed Raspa Soft Drink Mixer
  • “You mean all those slurs are coming from only 85 percent of the people?”

    Ron Pinkham Tassel Maker
  • “I can’t imagine going through life without being the mayor of at least one deli.”

    Leslie Wolfe Needle Grinder
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