15% Of U.S. Adults Don’t Go Online

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‘SportsCenter’ Co-Anchors Clearly Dating

BRISTOL, CT—Saying that the pair could barely take their eyes off one another throughout the hour-long sports news program, ESPN viewers told reporters Friday that it is increasingly clear SportsCenter anchors John Anderson and Matt Barrie are currently dating.

Terrifying Uniformed Bachelorette Party Storms Local Bar

TACOMA, WA—Bursting into the establishment seemingly out of nowhere and overtaking it within a matter of moments, a terrifying uniformed bachelorette party stormed local pub Casey’s Saloon Friday night, onlookers reported.
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Report: Dad Wants To Show You Where Fuse Box Is

YOUR LOCATION—Noting that it’s important to be prepared in case of emergencies but it’s also a good thing to know in general, your dad announced today that he wants to show you where the fuse box is.

15% Of U.S. Adults Don’t Go Online

According to the Pew Research Center, 15 percent of adults in the United States do not go online or use email. What do you think?

  • “They should. It’s fun.”

    Ed Raspa
    Soft Drink Mixer
  • “You mean all those slurs are coming from only 85 percent of the people?”

    Ron Pinkham
    Tassel Maker
  • “I can’t imagine going through life without being the mayor of at least one deli.”

    Leslie Wolfe
    Needle Grinder
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