2 Meteorites Hit Connecticut

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SILVER SPRING, MD—Warning residents to prepare for extreme winds, heavy rainfall, and flooding starting in the near future and continuing indefinitely, meteorologists at the National Weather Service announced Friday that the upcoming hurricane season would be permanent.
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Deadline For Prior User To Remove Clothes From Dryer Extended 5 Minutes

JOHNSON CITY, TN—Upon finding the machine in her apartment building’s laundry room completely untouched since she last stopped by, exasperated local woman Sandra Hermus reportedly mounted all her magnanimity Monday and extended the deadline for the previous user to remove their clothing from the dryer by five minutes.

2 Meteorites Hit Connecticut

Less than three weeks after a small meteorite struck a house in the Connecticut town of Wolcott, a second meteorite was found to have hit a home less than a mile away in the town of Waterbury, with scientists suggesting the two may have fallen in the same event. What do you think?

  • “Oh my God, what if there are other meteors out there?”

    Audrey Colter
    Hoist Operator
  • “One more and I’ll have to update my hilarious ‘You know you’re from Connecticut when...’ list.”

    Frankie Schneider
    Embalmer
  • “Lucky. Our home just gets showered in jet waste.”

    Rufus Delbonnel
    Dance Therapist