$2 Million In Gold, Gems Stolen From Museum

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Vol 48 Issue 40

Turkish Actor Thinks He's Cüneyt Fucking Arkin

ISTANBUL—The cast and crew of the Turkish film Arada confirmed this week that local actor Ahmet Demir, 28, is strutting around the set like he’s goddamned film superstar Cüneyt fucking Arkin or something.

Record Number Of Gay Characters On TV

A record 4.4 percent of all scripted TV characters on the five major networks are either gay, bisexual, or transgender this season, with a total of 111 LGBT characters across all channels, according to the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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$2 Million In Gold, Gems Stolen From Museum

Breaking into the California State Mining and Mineral Museum on Friday, thieves armed with pickaxes made off with $2 million worth of gold and jewels, but failed to crack a safe containing a famous 14-pound hunk of gold known as the Fricot Nugget. What do you think?

  • “Thank goodness. My kids really have their hearts set on seeing that Fricot Nugget.”

    Kareem Johnson
    Ship Boss
  • “It’ll be easy to find them. All police need to do is watch for any new mineral museums that pop up suspiciously fast.”

    Carla Kleinberg
    Unemployed
  • “Wish I’d got the alert earlier—I saw two guys with pickaxes and sacks of gold at Del Taco but didn’t think anything of it at the time.”

    David Sands
    Broom Maker
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