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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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20% Of High School Seniors Binge Drink

A new study found that one in five high school seniors binge drinks, which is defined as drinking five or more alcoholic beverages in a row, while one in 10 engaged in extreme binge drinking, in which they consumed more than 10 drinks in a row. What do you think?

  • “Not my kids. They suck.”

    Bobby Halsey Masseur
  • “Yeah, but do they throw the empty beer cans insolently to the side?”

    Angela Dougherty Geomagneticist
  • “Wooo! Seniors!”

    Ron Wannberg Rubber Stamp Maker
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