20% Of Teens Have High Cholesterol

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Vol 46 Issue 10

Lazy Free Agent Wants To Try Out Over Phone

CHARLOTTE, NC—In an effort to avoid physical exertion, strenuous activity, and standing up, slothful free agent Hollis Thomas told several NFL general managers Friday that he would prefer to try out for their teams over the phone.
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20% Of Teens Have High Cholesterol

A study of American teens shows that one in five has unhealthy cholesterol levels. What do you think?
  • "Only one in five? Teens look greasier than that to me."

    Daniel Moramarco
    Lumber Puller
  • "These teens are always getting into some kind of trouble. Now it's cholesterol; next it'll be arthritis."

    Lucy Baines
    Systems Analyst
  • "I've said it before and I'll say it again: Teens need to stop visiting their grandmas."

    Dan Kurson
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