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Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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$200K Raised To Buy Video Of Toronto Mayor Smoking Crack

An IndieGoGo project created by Gawker has reached its $200,000 goal, with the intention of purchasing a video from a self-proclaimed member of the Toronto drug scene that allegedly shows Toronto mayor Rob Ford smoking crack. What do you think?

  • “Meanwhile, my Kickstarter to just buy some crack stands at zero dollars.”

    Todd Higgins Moisture Tester
  • “I’d be glad to send them a clip of my kid’s principal smoking a cigarette at the football game.”

    Leigh Boyle Picture Frame Inspector
  • “Even if the video doesn’t exist, it just felt great giving money to Gawker.”

    Bernard Ward Lei Seller
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Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

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