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2011: International

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International

‘People Are Inherently Good,’ World Halfheartedly Mutters

NICE, FRANCE—Following yesterday’s terrorist attack in Nice, France that left over 80 people dead and scores more injured, sources reported that a dazed and utterly dejected global populace halfheartedly muttered the phrase “People are inherently good” to themselves Friday.

Louvre Curators Hurry To Display Ugly Van Gogh Donor Gave Them Before Surprise Visit

PARIS—After retrieving the eyesore from amid a clutter of unused display cases and movable stanchions in the back of the facility’s basement where it had been stowed ever since the museum received it, curators at the Louvre hurried to display an ugly Vincent van Gogh painting before the artwork’s donor made a surprise visit to the museum Friday.

ISIS Starting To Worry New Recruit Huge Psycho

RAQQA, SYRIA—Admitting that the recently arrived jihadist’s disturbing behavior was becoming a serious cause for concern, several ISIS members told reporters Friday they were starting to worry that new recruit Said Hassad was a huge psycho.

National Security Experts: ‘ISIS Are Fucking Assholes’

WASHINGTON—Updating the public about the deadly attacks carried out in Brussels yesterday by members of the Syria-based jihadist group, national security experts held a press conference in Washington this morning to notify Americans that ISIS are fucking assholes.
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2011: International

This year saw political unrest in the Middle East and Russia, economic crisis in Europe, and a former president of the Ivory Coast on trial in the Hague. What do you think the biggest international story of the year was?

  • “The European debt crisis worries me, just because Germany tends to start wars on six continents whenever it gets itself into a financial bind.”

    Brian Alexander Hat Trimmer
  • "Everyone’s food is too spicy. And they speak English wrong. Next time I’m keeping my vacation dollars in Indiana where they belong."

    Sarah Swilley Lumite Injector
  • "Do I win money if I guess the right news story? What about if I guess it wrong? Can I have money then?"

    Orlando Pé Unemployed

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