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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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2011: The Economy

This year, the struggling economy once again dominated headlines, and most of the news was bad. How has the slow recovery affected you?

  • "We went to the park as a family the other day to save money instead of doing something else. The park, of all places."

    Sam Thompson Systems Analyst
  • "It made me grateful for what I do have: a dog, a one-room apartment, and some pans."

    Mary Sue Risbrook Brim Curler
  • "Our family makes our own soda now. So, two of my kids died this year."

    Michael Ward Unemployed
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