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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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2012 Campaign Most Expensive In History

Driven by a massive spending push from super PACs and other advocacy groups in the final days of the election season, the total cost of all federal campaigns this year is estimated to reach $6 billion, surpassing the previous record of $5.3 billion set in 2008. What do you think?

  • “Wow. After this much spending, the richest people in the country really do need a tax cut.”

    Mickey Lind Unemployed
  • “If they just gave me the $100,000 they’re spending on my vote, they’d get my vote.”

    Wayne Romo Calliope Player
  • “Well, no matter who wins, at least both those guys have got their names out there now.”

    Hazel Sissons Doughnut Icer

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