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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.

Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.
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2012 Hottest Year Ever In U.S.

The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration confirmed that 2012 was the hottest year ever recorded in the nation’s lower 48 states, a full degree Fahrenheit warmer than the previous high, set in 1998, and 3.3 degrees above the 20th-century average. What do you think?

  • “This is just another desperate ‘Look at me!’ from those National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration attention whores.”

    Marcy Stoklos Systems Analyst
  • “So what? The earth has gone through major temperature changes before with only minor mass extinctions.”

    Jimmy Littleworth Blade Aligner
  • “It’s weird that it coincided with the hottest year on record for Hot 105.5, the Twin Cities’ home for the hottest in today’s hip-hop.”

    Russell Cole Mule Driver

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