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2012 Hottest Year Ever In U.S.

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PASADENA, CA—Confirming that several components had broken off the craft and that most of its scientific instruments were no longer operational, officials from NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory announced that Voyager 1, the pioneering space probe launched in 1977, had been severely damaged Thursday after crashing into the end of the universe.

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SANTA MONICA, CA—Suggesting that the disastrous events of three months ago could have been averted, federal investigators stated Wednesday that a trove of leaked documents confirmed high-ranking studio executives had full knowledge of Gods Of Egypt long before the film was released onto unsuspecting Americans.Investigators described those who allowed such a screenplay to be carried out as “extremely sick and heartless individuals.”

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2012 Hottest Year Ever In U.S.

The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration confirmed that 2012 was the hottest year ever recorded in the nation’s lower 48 states, a full degree Fahrenheit warmer than the previous high, set in 1998, and 3.3 degrees above the 20th-century average. What do you think?

  • “This is just another desperate ‘Look at me!’ from those National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration attention whores.”

    Marcy Stoklos Systems Analyst
  • “So what? The earth has gone through major temperature changes before with only minor mass extinctions.”

    Jimmy Littleworth Blade Aligner
  • “It’s weird that it coincided with the hottest year on record for Hot 105.5, the Twin Cities’ home for the hottest in today’s hip-hop.”

    Russell Cole Mule Driver

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