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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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2012 In Entertainment

This year the TV show Homeland earned critical praise, Canadian pop singer Carly Rae Jepsen dominated the airwaves, and The Avengers became the third-highest-grossing movie of all time. What do you think was the top entertainment industry story of 2012?

  • “I’m not as up to date with that whole Chris Brown and Rihanna thing, but it sounds like they make a really cute couple.”

    Emmet Bartnof Diffuser Operator
  • “I’m surprised Michael Jackson’s still dead. You know how much dough he could make with a comeback tour?”

    Denis Barsi Formal Wear Rental Clerk
  • “Billy Crystal is back!”

    Hope Tayback Systems Analyst

More from this section

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.

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