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Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.

Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.
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2012 In Entertainment

This year the TV show Homeland earned critical praise, Canadian pop singer Carly Rae Jepsen dominated the airwaves, and The Avengers became the third-highest-grossing movie of all time. What do you think was the top entertainment industry story of 2012?

  • “I’m not as up to date with that whole Chris Brown and Rihanna thing, but it sounds like they make a really cute couple.”

    Emmet Bartnof Diffuser Operator
  • “I’m surprised Michael Jackson’s still dead. You know how much dough he could make with a comeback tour?”

    Denis Barsi Formal Wear Rental Clerk
  • “Billy Crystal is back!”

    Hope Tayback Systems Analyst

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