2012 In International News

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Most Likely Candidates For Trump’s Cabinet

If elected president, Donald Trump will have the opportunity to nominate up to 15 cabinet members, each advising him on executive departments. Here are the most rumored choices for Trump’s inner circle.

Cake Just Sitting There

Take It

CHICAGO—Assuring you that there was nothing to worry about and not a soul around who would see you, sources confirmed Tuesday that a large piece of chocolate cake was just sitting there and that you should go ahead and take it.

Siblings Each Hoping Other One Will Take Care Of Aging Parents Someday

CLEVELAND—Explaining that they simply didn’t want to have to deal with the immense time commitment and emotional exhaustion, sisters Katie and Ellen Cattell each privately admitted to reporters this week that they were hoping the other sibling would someday be the one to take care of their aging parents.
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2012 In International News

This year witnessed ongoing bloodshed in Syria, massive blackouts that cut power to more than half a billion in India, and the 60th anniversary of Queen Elizabeth II’s reign. What do you think the biggest international story of the year was?

  • “Well, my coworker got married in Italy a few weeks ago and she won’t shut up about it, so that must have been pretty important.”

    Garret Gurry Systems Analyst
  • “Ugh, I have no idea. I’ve been putting off reading this one article from Feb. 17, 2003 that I started, and I don’t want to skip ahead until I’ve finished it.”

    Aidan Mackle Zoo Director
  • “I’d have to say all that pussy talk coming out of Russia. Pussy, pussy, pussy!"

    Annette Fox Grain Buyer


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