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2012 In International News

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Entire Broncos Organization Announces Retirement After Super Bowl Win

‘There’s Nothing Better Than Going Out On Top,’ Says Every Denver Player, Coach, Executive, Trainer, Office Administrator, Janitor

SANTA CLARA, CA—Following the team’s 24-10 victory over the Carolina Panthers in Super Bowl 50, every single member of the Denver Broncos organization officially announced their retirement Sunday.

Family, Friends Concerned After Peyton Manning Wanders Away From Pocket

SANTA CLARA, CA—Admitting to being “worried sick” after realizing he had suddenly disappeared in the middle of a play, family and friends of Peyton Manning grew incredibly concerned Sunday after the veteran Denver Broncos quarterback wandered away from the pocket during the first quarter of Super Bowl 50, sources confirmed.
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2012 In International News

This year witnessed ongoing bloodshed in Syria, massive blackouts that cut power to more than half a billion in India, and the 60th anniversary of Queen Elizabeth II’s reign. What do you think the biggest international story of the year was?

  • “Well, my coworker got married in Italy a few weeks ago and she won’t shut up about it, so that must have been pretty important.”

    Garret Gurry
    Systems Analyst
  • “Ugh, I have no idea. I’ve been putting off reading this one article from Feb. 17, 2003 that I started, and I don’t want to skip ahead until I’ve finished it.”

    Aidan Mackle
    Zoo Director
  • “I’d have to say all that pussy talk coming out of Russia. Pussy, pussy, pussy!"

    Annette Fox
    Grain Buyer

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