adBlockCheck

Recent News

Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
End Of Section
  • More News

2012 In Politics

This year saw the Supreme Court upholding the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act, Barack Obama winning reelection, and the nation threatening to go over the “fiscal cliff.” What do you think was the biggest political story of 2012?

  • “It has to be George H.W. Bush’s death next week.”

    Ben Wong Systems Analyst
  • “Rick Santorum. Long after the Republican primaries and the election, he just keeps captivating the American people!”

    Leslie Ettings Hose Maker
  • “Definitely voter suppression efforts at the polls. They wouldn’t let me vote just because I didn’t know my zip code or the correct spelling of my last name.”

    Mick Phelan Flagger

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close