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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.
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2012 In The Economy

Economic indicators improved marginally during the year, with the unemployment rate falling slightly and housing prices finally starting to rebound, but the recovery from the Great Recession remained far from robust. How did 2012’s lackluster economy affect you?

  • “I try not to let stuff like macroeconomics affect me.”

    Bob Zondag Tow Truck Dispatcher
  • “I’ve noticed the empty cans and bottles I collect for a living are increasingly off-brand.”

    Gerard Atkinson Unemployed
  • “I had to make a lot of tough business decisions since nobody on my staff voted the way I told them to.”

    Yvonne Duda Chief Executive Officer

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