adBlockCheck

Recent News

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.

Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
End Of Section
  • More News

2013 In Entertainment

The entertainment world was abuzz this year over Kim Kardashian and Kanye West’s newborn daughter North, the series finale of Breaking Bad, as well as the antics of former Disney star Miley Cyrus. What do you think was 2013’s top entertainment industry story?

  • “That David Blaine special freaked out my mom.”

    Jeremiah Visconti Marionette Maker
  • “I’ll never forget the morning when I woke up and saw this in my newsfeed: ‘Celebrities Attend Man Of Steel Premiere in New York.’ I still get chills.”

    Samuel Kenner Glassblower
  • “I thought everyone in general did a great job of keeping me entertained.”

    Laura Unger Unemployed

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close