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Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.

Veteran Given Hero’s Welcome Back To Afghanistan

KABUL, AFGHANISTAN—Waving flags and breaking into cheers the moment they spotted the veteran, dozens of joyous citizens gave Marine Pfc. Victor Rosas, 23, a hero’s welcome back to Afghanistan, sources reported Tuesday.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.
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2013 In International News

This year, the British royal baby was born, Pope Francis became the new pontiff, and legendary anti-apartheid leader Nelson Mandela died at age 95. What do you think the biggest international story of the year was?

  • “Lingering memories of the 2012 London Olympics!”

    Reggie Montgomery Systems Analyst
  • “I mainly just keep up with international news that has to do with helicopter crashes, and I’ve got to say, it’s been a pretty slow year.”

    Lindsay McDonald Kindergarten Teacher
  • “Elmore Leonard. The fall of an angel.”

    Colin Allison Appliance Repairman

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