2013 In Politics

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Goodwill Executives Arrested After Years Of Skimming Donated Goods Off Top

ROCKVILLE, MD—In what authorities are calling one of the most wide-reaching and deplorable cases of embezzlement in recent history, seven executives at Goodwill Industries International were arrested Thursday for allegedly skimming used clothing, old furniture, small appliances, and thousands of other donated items from the charitable group.

Meteorologists Say Upcoming Hurricane Season To Be Permanent

SILVER SPRING, MD—Warning residents to prepare for extreme winds, heavy rainfall, and flooding starting in the near future and continuing indefinitely, meteorologists at the National Weather Service announced Friday that the upcoming hurricane season would be permanent.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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This Great Song, Bar Sources Report

TOMAH, WI—Pausing their conversations momentarily to call attention to the music playing on the establishment’s jukebox, sources at local bar Shepherd’s confirmed to reporters Friday that this is a great song.

2013 In Politics

This year saw a 16-day government shutdown, the Supreme Court striking down the Defense of Marriage Act, and the problem-prone rollout of Obamacare’s online health insurance exchange. What do you think was the biggest political story of 2013?

  • “My property taxes went up again, thanks to Mayor Jenkins and his band of cronies.”

    Matt Pickett
    Hedge Trimmer
  • “I think the fact that there are three branches of government—judicial, executive, and legislative—takes the cake yet again.”

    Zach Solomon
    Bail Bondsman
  • “I may have dreamt this, but the one where Obama came over to my house to use my printer.”

    Joan Poitras
    Systems Analyst