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A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

What You Need To Know About The Trump Administration’s Ties To Russia

New revelations from the U.S. intelligence community about potentially illegal communications between members of the Trump administration and Russian officials, which led to Michael Flynn resigning as national security advisor Monday, have increased calls for a wider investigation of Trump’s murky ties to Russia. Here’s what you need to know.
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2015 Shark Attacks Set New Record

Sharks attacked 98 people worldwide in 2015, outstripping the previous record of 88 attacks in the year 2000. What do you think?

  • “But publicizing this record only encourages the sharks to set a new one.”

    Teddy Steinhafel Unemployed
  • “Maybe it’s time to start overfishing again?”

    Anita Berger Alibi Organizer
  • “Add two more to that total. I didn’t know we had to report them.”

    Frank Goetz Synthesizer Programmer
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