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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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23% Of Americans Didn’t Read Book Last Year

A Pew Research Center poll found that nearly 1 in 4 Americans had not read a single book or e-book in the past year, nearly tripling the figure from 1978, when only 8 percent of Americans hadn’t read a book during the preceding 12 months. What do you think?

  • “And here’s to a book-free 2014!”

    Gary Cypherd Marketing Director
  • “Yeah, but if you add up all the tweets I read, it’s probably pretty close to a book.”

    Shellie Hoyt Corporate Liaison
  • “Sounds like 23 percent of Americans don’t know about the free personal pan pizza you get through Pizza Hut’s BOOK IT! reading program.”

    Daniel Freedman K-12 Curriculum Designer

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