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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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24 Million Would Lose Coverage Under GOP Health Plan

The Congressional Budget Office has estimated that under the newly proposed American Health Care Act, 24 million people would lose their coverage by 2026. What do you think?

  • “I hated carrying around that little plastic card anyway.”

    Don Kinzell Pudding Packager
  • “Oh, come on, 2026 is nine years from now. That’s plenty of time for people to get their affairs in order.”

    Noah Leavitt Tablecloth Folder
  • “It’ll be interesting to see how the Democratic Party’s leadership can squander 24 million surefire votes by 2020.”

    Anjali Moore Toaster Innovator
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