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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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2,800 Pig Carcasses Found In Chinese Drinking Water

Over 2,800 pig carcasses of unknown origin were found clogging Shanghai’s Huangpu River, the main drinking water source for the city, sparking widespread fears of contamination. What do you think?

  • “Aw, why’d you go and say that? Now I’m hungry for pig carcass.”

    Candice Walden Systems Analyst
  • “You expect to see a few bloated pig carcasses this time of year, but anything over 1,500 is unacceptable.”

    Jason Twible Tile Installer
  • “If they just rinse the pigs off it should be all right.”

    Harvey Clarkson Suicide Hotline Operator
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