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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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2,800 Pig Carcasses Found In Chinese Drinking Water

Over 2,800 pig carcasses of unknown origin were found clogging Shanghai’s Huangpu River, the main drinking water source for the city, sparking widespread fears of contamination. What do you think?

  • “Aw, why’d you go and say that? Now I’m hungry for pig carcass.”

    Candice Walden Systems Analyst
  • “You expect to see a few bloated pig carcasses this time of year, but anything over 1,500 is unacceptable.”

    Jason Twible Tile Installer
  • “If they just rinse the pigs off it should be all right.”

    Harvey Clarkson Suicide Hotline Operator
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