adBlockCheck

Recent News

Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
End Of Section
  • More News

2,800 Pig Carcasses Found In Chinese Drinking Water

Over 2,800 pig carcasses of unknown origin were found clogging Shanghai’s Huangpu River, the main drinking water source for the city, sparking widespread fears of contamination. What do you think?

  • “Aw, why’d you go and say that? Now I’m hungry for pig carcass.”

    Candice Walden Systems Analyst
  • “You expect to see a few bloated pig carcasses this time of year, but anything over 1,500 is unacceptable.”

    Jason Twible Tile Installer
  • “If they just rinse the pigs off it should be all right.”

    Harvey Clarkson Suicide Hotline Operator

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close