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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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2nd Autopsy For Anna Nicole's Son

A second autopsy will be performed on Anna Nicole Smith's 20-year-old son who died at her bedside while she was hospitalized in the Bahamas. What do you think?
  • "A second autopsy? Oh, God, did he die again?"

    Tom Jensen Photographer
  • "I'm just surprised a child raised by Anna Nicole Smith made it to 20."

    Gina Lannegan Bartender
  • "The media frenzy over her son's death is sickening. All this woman's ever asked for is her privacy."

    Walter Godwin Baggage Handler

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