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2nd Autopsy For Anna Nicole's Son

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Wow, Dad Really Went From Zero To 60 With Woodworking This Summer

PAGE, AZ—Expressing their astonishment as they once again heard the sound of their father using his circular saw in the garage despite his seemingly complete lack of interest in the craft prior to last month, the children of area man Sam Morgan, 52, confirmed Tuesday that, wow, their dad had really gone from zero to 60 with woodworking this summer.

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PHILADELPHIA—Sheepishly raising his hand to nominate the man who suspended his presidential campaign back in February, unpledged delegate Bob Shiefke told reporters Tuesday he felt like a “total fucking idiot” for being the only person at the Democratic National Convention voting for former Maryland governor Martin O’Malley.

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Michelle Obama: ‘Well, There Are 8 Years Of My Life I’ll Never Get Back’

PHILADELPHIA—Her face fixed in an expression of apathetic detachment as she took the stage Monday night to raucous cheers and applause, First Lady Michelle Obama reportedly began her address to the Democratic National Convention by exhaling audibly and remarking that she would never get the past eight years of her life back.

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How The IOC Plans To Address Doping

In light of its recent decision not to bar Russian athletes from competing in Rio despite their use of performance-enhancing drugs, the International Olympic Committee is working to establish more effective protocols to keep the Games drug-free. Here are some ways the IOC plans to address doping:
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2nd Autopsy For Anna Nicole's Son

A second autopsy will be performed on Anna Nicole Smith's 20-year-old son who died at her bedside while she was hospitalized in the Bahamas. What do you think?
  • "A second autopsy? Oh, God, did he die again?"

    Tom Jensen Photographer
  • "I'm just surprised a child raised by Anna Nicole Smith made it to 20."

    Gina Lannegan Bartender
  • "The media frenzy over her son's death is sickening. All this woman's ever asked for is her privacy."

    Walter Godwin Baggage Handler

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