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Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.

Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.
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3 Climbers, 100 Sherpas Brawl On Mt. Everest

While 23,000 feet up Mt. Everest, three European climbers claimed they were physically attacked by 100 Sherpa guides after they disobeyed the Sherpas’ commands and knocked ice onto one of the Sherpas below, though both sides later made peace. What do you think?

  • “Let’s see them try that shit at sea level!”

    Martin Sandalis Advertising Manager
  • “Snow madness! I’ve seen this before.”

    Felipe Trejo Mountaineer
  • “That’s the great thing about Sherpas: You can fight with 100 of them but still make up and go climb Everest later like nothing happened.”

    Carol Telford Locomotive Inspector

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