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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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3 Climbers, 100 Sherpas Brawl On Mt. Everest

While 23,000 feet up Mt. Everest, three European climbers claimed they were physically attacked by 100 Sherpa guides after they disobeyed the Sherpas’ commands and knocked ice onto one of the Sherpas below, though both sides later made peace. What do you think?

  • “Let’s see them try that shit at sea level!”

    Martin Sandalis Advertising Manager
  • “Snow madness! I’ve seen this before.”

    Felipe Trejo Mountaineer
  • “That’s the great thing about Sherpas: You can fight with 100 of them but still make up and go climb Everest later like nothing happened.”

    Carol Telford Locomotive Inspector

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