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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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3 Men Deported From Saudi Arabia For Being ‘Too Sexy’

Authorities reportedly removed three men from a festival in Saudi Arabia and sent them back to their native United Arab Emirates for being “too handsome,” one of whom posted a number of photos of himself on Facebook that show him wearing eyeliner. What do you think?

  • “Good riddance.”

    Arthur Ettel Capacitor Assembler
  • “The same exact thing happened to me. But instead of ‘too sexy,’ they said I was ‘too violent.’”

    James Fearing Systems Analyst
  • “Really? I think men look sexiest when they’re not wearing makeup and are just being themselves.”

    Donnamarie Post Torch Solderer

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