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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
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3D Printer Can Make Human Body Parts

Wake Forest University’s 3D “bioprinter” is combining living cells with a gel substance to print out human body parts such as ears, muscles, and jawbones. What do you think?

  • “Printing out body parts is God’s job and no one else’s.”

    Logan Trumbull Cookie Shaper
  • “There’s nothing more satisfying than pressing your cheek against a warm, freshly printed skin graft.”

    Nicholas White Assembly Scheduler
  • “I really just need something that can print out some nice photos of my grandkids.”

    Martha Runion Crumb Sweeper


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