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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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4 In 10 U.S. Households Headed By Female Breadwinners

According to U.S. Census data, women are now the sole or primary income-earners in 40 percent of American households with children below the age of 18, which is up from 11 percent in 1960. What do you think?

  • “Sure. But I still decide what movie we go see on Friday night.”

    Tripp Sandin Police Commissioner
  • “I just wish my old lady would stop mentioning her salary during lovemaking.”

    Larry Horneff Extruder Operator
  • “All my lazy wife does is sit around the house being eight-and-a-half months pregnant.”

    Bob Guiry Dried Fruit Washer

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