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Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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5 Polyps Removed From Bush's Colon

Following a routine colonoscopy, doctors removed five small polyps from President Bush. What do you think?
  • "Now he knows how every person in the world has felt for the past six-and-a-half years."

    David Seenan Ferris Wheel Operator
  • "The president is spending entirely too much time getting colonoscopies and not enough time doing his job."

    Molly McKee Funeral Director
  • "Did they get the evil one?"

    Johnny Kelly Stereo Installer

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