adBlockCheck

Recent News

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Trump Plans To ‘Drain The Swamp’

One of Donald Trump’s central presidential campaign promises was to “drain the swamp” by ridding Washington politics of corruption and corporate influence. Here’s how he plans to do it.

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.
End Of Section
  • More News

50% Of Americans Oppose Intervention In Syria

According to an NBC poll, 50 percent of Americans oppose the use of military force against Syria in the wake of a purported chemical weapons attack by the government of Bashar al-Assad, compared to 42 percent who support military action. What do you think?

  • “It’s true. Half of me wants to intervene but the other half doesn’t care.”

    Hugh D’Aquino Film Developer
  • “Well, we have to bomb somebody.”

    Jaleel Piercy Systems Analyst
  • “Ugh, are we still talking about this?”

    Kristen Siegel Volleyball Assembler

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close