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Scientists Discover 99% Of NFL Players’ Brains Slimy

SEATTLE—In a major advancement of the ongoing effort to better understand the specific neurobiology of these athletes, a new study released Wednesday by scientists at the University Of Washington revealed that 99 percent of NFL players’ brains are slimy.

Man Knows Exactly Which Asshole Got Him Sick

SARATOGA SPRINGS, NY—Immediately realizing the genesis of the fever and sore throat that left him feeling like shit, 30-year-old local man Edward Mosley told reporters Tuesday that he knows exactly which asshole got him sick.

How Gerrymandering Works

The Supreme Court is considering a case regarding the partisan gerrymandering of districts in Wisconsin, which could change the way maps are drawn across the country. Here is a step-by-step guide to how Gerrymandering works.
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50 Years Of Manned Space Flight

Today marks the 50th anniversary of cosmonaut Yuri Gagarin's voyage outside the Earth's atmosphere, the first of its kind. What do you think?

  • "Ha! Yuri Gagarin sure is a silly name for an American!"

    Barry Scobee Can Inspector
  • "It still chaps my ass that man was beat into space by a damn dog."

    Melinda Resnick Threading Machine Operator
  • "Gagarin's heroic achievement enables us the privilege to take manned space flight for granted."

    Dan Onizuka Unemployed

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