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Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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50 Years Of Manned Space Flight

Today marks the 50th anniversary of cosmonaut Yuri Gagarin's voyage outside the Earth's atmosphere, the first of its kind. What do you think?

  • "Ha! Yuri Gagarin sure is a silly name for an American!"

    Barry Scobee Can Inspector
  • "It still chaps my ass that man was beat into space by a damn dog."

    Melinda Resnick Threading Machine Operator
  • "Gagarin's heroic achievement enables us the privilege to take manned space flight for granted."

    Dan Onizuka Unemployed
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