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5,000 Killed In Syria In August

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Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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5,000 Killed In Syria In August

Activist groups claimed that 5,000 Syrians were killed last month as the Assad regime stepped up its bloody crackdown on the nation’s civilian uprising, marking the highest monthly death toll since the conflict began in March 2011. What do you think?

  • “Man, Assad’s getting really good at killing people.”

    Matthew Mast Truss Assembler
  • “This seems like an awful lot of work just to keep being the president of Syria.”

    Shaun Lipschultz Gem Cutter
  • “I know, right? This hot summer weather has really made people short-tempered.”

    Mariah Nakatsuka Soil Fertility Expert

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