5,000 Killed In Syria In August

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Vol 48 Issue 36

Area Woman Dumped On 15-Week Anniversary

TACOMA, WA—Insult compounded romantic injury Saturday when local boyfriend Charles Pond not only broke up with Karen Brunhoff, the woman he has dated since last spring, but reportedly “had the nerve” to dump her on the couple’s 15-...

New Zipcarp Service Offers Short-Term Carp Rentals

BOSTON—Announcing its plan to offer short-term, affordable carp rentals for urbanites and college students who don’t own a carp of their own, Zipcarp Inc. launched a brand-new fish-sharing service earlier this month.

NFL On Fox

Fox 12:00 p.m. EDT/11:00 a.m. CDT In the empty, darkened studio, Terry Bradshaw waits quietly for someone to josh with.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Man Considers Nodding Approvingly After Friend’s Drink Purchase

MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...

5,000 Killed In Syria In August

Activist groups claimed that 5,000 Syrians were killed last month as the Assad regime stepped up its bloody crackdown on the nation’s civilian uprising, marking the highest monthly death toll since the conflict began in March 2011. What do you think?

  • “Man, Assad’s getting really good at killing people.”

    Matthew Mast
    Truss Assembler
  • “This seems like an awful lot of work just to keep being the president of Syria.”

    Shaun Lipschultz
    Gem Cutter
  • “I know, right? This hot summer weather has really made people short-tempered.”

    Mariah Nakatsuka
    Soil Fertility Expert
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