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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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50th Anniversary Of ‘I Have A Dream’ Speech

President Barack Obama, Bill Clinton, and Oprah Winfrey will be among those delivering speeches on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial today in honor of the 50-year anniversary of Martin Luther King Jr.’s historic “I Have a Dream” speech. What do you think?

  • “If people start being judged by the content of their character, I’m screwed.”

    Bart Knaus Systems Analyst
  • “The speech was so incredible, it deserves to be digitally recreated in hundreds of commercials.”

    Simon St. Pierre Carburetor Mechanic
  • “It’s amazing how far we’ve come, time-wise.”

    Ellen Cheshire Touch-Up Painter

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