Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Helpful Man Saves Woman Effort Of Telling Idea To Boss Herself

ATLANTA—In an unprompted act of generosity from one coworker to another, Spryte Logistics employee Ben Graham reportedly took the initiative to share one of Emily Fehrman’s ideas with their boss on Friday, saving her the time and effort of doing it herself.

Fisher-Price Releases New In Utero Fetal Activity Gym

EAST AURORA, NY—Touting it as the perfect tool for entertaining and stimulating the fetus during gestation, Fisher-Price announced the release Wednesday of a new in utero activity gym. “Whether they’re batting at the friendly toucans in order to harden their cartilage into bone or tapping the multicolored light-up palm tree to test out their sense of vision once their eyes open at 28 weeks, the Fisher-Price Rainforest Friends Prenatal Activity Gym is guaranteed to give your fetus a head start and keep it happy and occupied,” said director of marketing Kevin Goldbaum.

It Kind Of Sweet CEO Thinks He Doing Good Job

SEATTLE—Admitting that the sight of him laying out his vision for the company was pretty endearing, employees at Rainier Solutions reported Monday that it was kind of sweet that CEO Greg Warner thinks he is doing a good job.
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55,000 Laid Off Monday

More than 55,000 Americans lost their jobs Monday, with companies such as Caterpillar, Sprint, and Home Depot each laying off several thousand workers. What do you think?
  • "Is that the last of the jobs? I'm getting really tired of having to hear about layoffs all the time."

    Sher Chamberlain Unemployed
  • "Wait, people work at Home Depot? I've always just gone there, picked out what I needed, then bought it at the self-serve register. Are you sure you have the company name right?"

    Brad Scharff Systems Analyst
  • "As a Sprint customer service rep, I react to the news with a mixture of passive-aggression and moderate contempt just short of outright rudeness, sir."

    Travis Brooks Customer Service Representative

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