adBlockCheck

Recent News

Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.

How To Combat Harassment Online

Online harassment is an increasingly contentious issue, with social media sites like Twitter and Reddit pressured to crack down on users’ abusive behavior. Here are The Onion’s tips for combating harassment online:
End Of Section
  • More News

57% Of High Schoolers Unprepared For College

According to The College Board, only 43 percent of SAT takers in the high school class of 2013 received a 1550 or higher out of 2400 total points, the benchmark the organization uses to determine whether a student is “college-ready.” What do you think?

  • “I think the most logical solution is to make college easier.”

    Ruby McCann Plaster Model Maker
  • “But can they take down a bitter old dean?”

    Eric Sylbert Unemployed
  • “I wasn’t prepared for college, and look at me now: being asked a question.”

    Gregory Reitano Tap Dancer

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close