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Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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60 Teens Arrested In Senior Class Prank

More than 60 students from Teaneck High School in New Jersey were arrested this week after they taped hot dogs to lockers and urinated all over the floors as part of a senior class prank. What do you think?

  • "Urine all over the floors. Classic."

    Mark Winslow Systems Analyst
  • “Nice! Way to stick it to the janitorial staff.”

    Gwen Holt Sofa Upholstery Specialist
  • "By failing to uphold the values of Teaneck High School, the only people those teens were really pranking were themselves."

    Peter Sheehan Office Assistant
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