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Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

As kids prepare to go back to school, parents are tasked with providing all the supplies and clothes they’ll need for the year. Here are The Onion’s tips for tackling back-to-school shopping.

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.
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70% Of Earth Can’t See Milky Way

Scientists estimate that 70 percent of the earth is incapable of viewing the Milky Way in the night sky due to light pollution that casts a haze over the stars. What do you think?

  • “But without that protective haze, the fearsome sight of the Draco constellation would be too horrific to behold.”

    Saul Peters Train Custodian
  • “It’s easy to see the Milky Way! Simply set your aperture to 2.8 and shutter speed to 16.”

    Bert Landry Triathlon Applauder
  • “The moon is enough entertainment for me.”

    Franny Banks Lot Delineator

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Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.

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