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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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70% Of Americans Take Prescription Drugs

A report from the Mayo Clinic found that nearly 7 in 10 Americans take at least one prescription medication, and noted that antibiotics, antidepressants, and painkillers were the most frequently prescribed drugs in the U.S. What do you think?

  • “This kind of statistic would really worry me if it wasn’t for my Klonopin.”

    Ronald Suzuki Parachute Mender
  • “That does explain why 30 percent of my friends are either in pain, depressed, or have some body part rotting off.”

    Landon Bolger Mailroom Supervisor
  • “Doesn’t anybody just drink anymore?”

    Elizabeth Ignarro Pool Manager
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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

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