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70% Of Americans Take Prescription Drugs

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Voyager Probe Badly Damaged After Smashing Into End Of Universe

PASADENA, CA—Confirming that several components had broken off the craft and that most of its scientific instruments were no longer operational, officials from NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory announced that Voyager 1, the pioneering space probe launched in 1977, had been severely damaged Thursday after crashing into the end of the universe.

Leaked Documents Reveal Studio Executives Knew About ‘Gods Of Egypt’ Before It Released Onto Public

SANTA MONICA, CA—Suggesting that the disastrous events of three months ago could have been averted, federal investigators stated Wednesday that a trove of leaked documents confirmed high-ranking studio executives had full knowledge of Gods Of Egypt long before the film was released onto unsuspecting Americans.Investigators described those who allowed such a screenplay to be carried out as “extremely sick and heartless individuals.”

Books Vs. E-Readers

Though e-readers have increasingly supplanted books in the digital age, many bibliophiles defend the importance of physical texts. Here is a side-by-side comparison of physical books and e-books
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70% Of Americans Take Prescription Drugs

A report from the Mayo Clinic found that nearly 7 in 10 Americans take at least one prescription medication, and noted that antibiotics, antidepressants, and painkillers were the most frequently prescribed drugs in the U.S. What do you think?

  • “This kind of statistic would really worry me if it wasn’t for my Klonopin.”

    Ronald Suzuki Parachute Mender
  • “That does explain why 30 percent of my friends are either in pain, depressed, or have some body part rotting off.”

    Landon Bolger Mailroom Supervisor
  • “Doesn’t anybody just drink anymore?”

    Elizabeth Ignarro Pool Manager

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