75% Of Breast Milk Bought Online Contaminated

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Area Dad Thinks Refs Should Just Let Them Play Football

DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.
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This Great Song, Bar Sources Report

TOMAH, WI—Pausing their conversations momentarily to call attention to the music playing on the establishment’s jukebox, sources at local bar Shepherd’s confirmed to reporters Friday that this is a great song.

75% Of Breast Milk Bought Online Contaminated

A study found that three quarters of human breast milk samples purchased from the online site Only the Breast, an exchange service for mothers, were contaminated with levels of bacteria that could sicken a child, including salmonella and traces of feces. What do you think?

  • “What about the regular kind you get at bodegas?”

    Morris Rivera
    Legislative Aide
  • “It’s very important to wash the breasts after preparing other foods on them, or using them to wipe the countertop.”

    Juliana Boyd
    Fraud Investigator
  • “They’d better get things straightened out by Cyber Monday.”

    Taylor Klieman
    Hay Farmer