78,000 Apply For One-Way Trip To Mars

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Vol 49 Issue 19

Dog Owners Have Healthier Hearts

The American Heart Association officially announced that people who owned pets, particularly dogs, appeared to have a reduced risk of heart disease and had better survival rates than those without pets.

New to the market!

Lovely two-bedroom, one-bath condo, carefully renovated to retain the intoxicating scent of previous tenant Lisa.

Man Does Good Job Getting Drunk

ETNA, PA—Moments after watching him finish his fifth alcoholic beverage at the Crow’s Nest Bar and Grill Thursday night, sources reported local man Chris Serna, 32, had completed the task of getting drunk with a high degree of efficiency and s...
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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78,000 Apply For One-Way Trip To Mars

The Dutch nonprofit Mars One, which hopes to send a small group of humans on a one-way mission to establish a colony on the surface of Mars in 2022, has received applications from 78,000 people who are willing to leave Earth and never come back. What do you think?

  • “I’d be willing to hold down the fort here if everyone wanted to go.”

    Albert Calvo
    Mortising Machine Operator
  • “They’ll need a brash leader, a sexy female chemist, an eccentric mechanic, and a mysterious stowaway, but could they use an out-of-work insurance actuary?”

    Marc Lin
    Unemployed
  • “Is there something wrong here on Earth? Everything seems pretty good to me.”

    Anya Zylberfain,
    Bottle Label Inspector
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