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$85 Billion In Budget Cuts Set To Begin Friday

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Entire Broncos Organization Announces Retirement After Super Bowl Win

‘There’s Nothing Better Than Going Out On Top,’ Says Every Denver Player, Coach, Executive, Trainer, Office Administrator, Janitor

SANTA CLARA, CA—Following the team’s 24-10 victory over the Carolina Panthers in Super Bowl 50, every single member of the Denver Broncos organization officially announced their retirement Sunday.

Family, Friends Concerned After Peyton Manning Wanders Away From Pocket

SANTA CLARA, CA—Admitting to being “worried sick” after realizing he had suddenly disappeared in the middle of a play, family and friends of Peyton Manning grew incredibly concerned Sunday after the veteran Denver Broncos quarterback wandered away from the pocket during the first quarter of Super Bowl 50, sources confirmed.
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$85 Billion In Budget Cuts Set To Begin Friday

Having avoided the fiscal cliff with a temporary deal in January, the federal government is now facing the so-called sequester, which would trigger $85 billion in automatic spending cuts to the military and domestic programs if lawmakers are unable to reach an agreement by Friday. What do you think?

  • “I just pray that our elected leaders can come together and make the difficult choices necessary to push this back by another couple of weeks.”

    Susan Soffer
    Oceanographer
  • “What’s everyone freaking out about? They’ve got literally dozens of hours left to figure this thing out.”

    Josh Rijn
    Tamale Maker
  • “Shit, that reminds me: I’m 23 months behind on rent.”

    Leo Pirok
    Zipper Setter

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