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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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$85 Billion In Budget Cuts Set To Begin Friday

Having avoided the fiscal cliff with a temporary deal in January, the federal government is now facing the so-called sequester, which would trigger $85 billion in automatic spending cuts to the military and domestic programs if lawmakers are unable to reach an agreement by Friday. What do you think?

  • “I just pray that our elected leaders can come together and make the difficult choices necessary to push this back by another couple of weeks.”

    Susan Soffer Oceanographer
  • “What’s everyone freaking out about? They’ve got literally dozens of hours left to figure this thing out.”

    Josh Rijn Tamale Maker
  • “Shit, that reminds me: I’m 23 months behind on rent.”

    Leo Pirok Zipper Setter
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