adBlockCheck

Recent News

Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

RED BANK, NJ—Testing the limits of what even the most progressive onlookers considered publicly acceptable, a man was seen by multiple witnesses Tuesday holding hands with a visibly pregnant woman in what many could only interpret as the expression of a bizarre fetish.

Grandma Looking Like Absolute Shit Lately

VERO BEACH, FL—Unable to ignore the 86-year-old’s dramatic physical decline since they last saw her, sources within the Delahunt family reported Monday that their grandmother Shirley is looking like absolute shit lately.

A Basic Guide To Dream Interpretation

Dreaming is a universal human experience, and many similar themes arise in people’s dreams the world over. The Onion provides some context for interpreting these common dreams:
End Of Section
  • More News

9 Brightly Colored New Tarantula Species Found

Scientist Rogério Bertani recently discovered nine previously unknown and endangered species of small tree-dwelling tarantulas in Brazil, many of which feature bright pink, purple, and orange colorations. What do you think?

  • “I hate spiders, but I love colors, so I’m a little conflicted here.”

    Ralph Vashiell Dock Builder
  • “Hmm, this sounds like a scam to sell more tarantulas.”

    Yvonne Pedley Jukebox Coin Collector
  • “And all this time I’ve been painting my tarantulas like a moron.”

    Charles Brierley Raspberry Grower

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close