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Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

20 Years Of Harry Potter

J.K. Rowling published ‘Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone’ on June 26th, 1997, and it instantly became a cultural touchstone. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the 20-year history of the Harry Potter franchise.

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.
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9 Brightly Colored New Tarantula Species Found

Scientist Rogério Bertani recently discovered nine previously unknown and endangered species of small tree-dwelling tarantulas in Brazil, many of which feature bright pink, purple, and orange colorations. What do you think?

  • “I hate spiders, but I love colors, so I’m a little conflicted here.”

    Ralph Vashiell Dock Builder
  • “Hmm, this sounds like a scam to sell more tarantulas.”

    Yvonne Pedley Jukebox Coin Collector
  • “And all this time I’ve been painting my tarantulas like a moron.”

    Charles Brierley Raspberry Grower

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