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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
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9 Brightly Colored New Tarantula Species Found

Scientist Rogério Bertani recently discovered nine previously unknown and endangered species of small tree-dwelling tarantulas in Brazil, many of which feature bright pink, purple, and orange colorations. What do you think?

  • “I hate spiders, but I love colors, so I’m a little conflicted here.”

    Ralph Vashiell Dock Builder
  • “Hmm, this sounds like a scam to sell more tarantulas.”

    Yvonne Pedley Jukebox Coin Collector
  • “And all this time I’ve been painting my tarantulas like a moron.”

    Charles Brierley Raspberry Grower

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